Myrinalyn here~Everyone here was right..
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Myrinalyn here~Everyone here was right..
| Wed, 09-14-2005 - 5:33pm |
If anyone here would feel better by me saying, "You were all right". You all told me so and I didn't listen.

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Myrinalyn,
I do agree you have some issues, that you are trying to replay some past bad experiences through your current relationships.
Panda, thanks so much for posting that thread from the Domestic Violence board. It says it all, and so much better than I. It's very valuable.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Just because you find a counselor that will tell you what you want to hear doesn't make what she's saying right and it won't make your situation any different than it is. Your boyfriend is a domestically abusive man. He will always be. He will be verbally and physically abusive with you and he will be with every woman he's in a relationship with. Your domestic violence counselor was addressing the issues that were most important to be addressed first. Yes, of course, you have issues, but you have to deal with them one issue at a time. You don't ignore cancer to take care of a cold first, you take care of the most urgent issues first, then you deal with the rest.
Your counselor is helping you learn that you're partly responsible? Perfect! She's making you into more of every abusers dream!
Here's an illustration: Draw two circles side by side. Pretend all the appropriate, emotionally healthy men are in the left circle. All the abusive men are in the right circle. Here's the truth: No matter what woman stepped into the right circle, no matter how "clean", "perfect" and free from issues she was, she would be abused by the men in that circle because they are abusive. Abuse is not caused by the victim, it cannot be fixed by the woman changing. Men who abuse do so because of the beliefs they have about themselves and about women, period. It doesn't matter if you're screwed up or perfectly together, they will think the same about you and they will abuse you. Here's the part you are "to blame" for: Those two circles of men? A healthy, together woman would look at both circles and would avoid the men in the
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
There are many things that I have learned though that keeps me in the cycle of abuse.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
That brings to mind an old joke:
A flood is predicted and a town is evacuating. When they reach the home of an old man and tell him they're here to help him leave he refuses, saying "God will help me".
It begins to flood and as the water rises and his furniture is floating about the house, rescue personnel reach the man's home by boat, but again he refuses to go with them saying, "God will help me".
The flood continues and the man is now on his roof. Rescue personnel hover over his home in a helicopter but the man refuses to leave, saying, "God will help me".
The flood goes over the roof and the man drowns. Upon reaching heaven he has an audience with God who says, "What were you doing? I sent rescue men on foot, by boat, by helicopter...."
and then there are licensed abuse counselors.
What I offer you is the post that Pandabu mentioned in her response. It's very good and touches on religious counseling and abuse. I've gained permission from the Dealing With Abuse cl's to add it to this board's Information and Resources section. If you haven't read it before, I suggest you take a look:
Counseling and Domestic Abuse . You might be interested to know that many women on the Domestic Abuse board are women of deep faith. You really should give them a try Dealing With Domestic Abuse board and you should read the Abuse Board’s Homepage . There's much help and information on that board and that homepage to really help you. As always, the choices you make with your life are yours to make.
Good luck, sweetie.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I will answer your question.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
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