need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
need advice
11
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 9:29am

My fiancee and I just moved in together after being in a long distance relationship. We have been together for 1 year and last night we had out first fight and I am not sure how to deal with it. We live in a small town and last night there was a concert. We had few beers so that was probably part of the problem. Anyways as we were leaving,my boyfriend starts talking to this older lady. This is not unusual for him or this town because everyone is usually very friendly and you can just start up conversation with anyone really. But I guess because I was little bit drunk, I said to him if he really needs to talk to some stranger right now and that I want to go home. I guess he did not like that and started walking very fast and I had to walk home alone. We live very close to the square where the concert was, less then 10 minute walk. However, I got very angry because he left me alone and I had few drinks so I was feeling little drunk. I mean there was no concern for safety because like I said this is a very small town but I would never leave him behind if i knew he was drunk. Anyways I had the keys so he waited for me in front of the house. I told him that I was angry because he left me and we got into a screaming match ending with him going to sleep and I stayed up. In the morning he woke up first, kissed me and said he loved me. I explained to him why I was angry and he said he understands but never said he is sorry. He went to run some errands and came back with flowers. I really appreciate the gesture but I still cannot help but feel still angry. Now he wants to go for a picnic and he is acting very cheerful but I still feel angry. I am not sure why I still feel so angry but I do. Am i overreacting? Should I still talk to him about it or drop it? Sorry for a long post and thank you!

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 12:23pm

Welcome to the board, Sunnysideupinrome ~

What is it you're angry at?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 3:19pm

I agree that she began this, and it doesn't sound like she apologized, either.

But I have a pretty strict opinion of men leaving their women behind because they're mad. I worked with a wonderful man and his sweet wife, had two kids. They had a bit to drink on NYE a few years ago, and got in an argument. She wanted out of the car and he drove away. Not very far at ALL, then he turned around and went back. She was gone. He drove up and down the highway. Her body was found the next day. Such great people, just made one bad, snap decision that night.

Things have gotten today where it's just not safe to leave anyone behind. No matter how irritated one is.

Edited for typo.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 3:47pm

Maybe I should have mentioned that I did apologize for getting so angry and for overreacting because I know that I was drunk. I just could not figure out today why I could not get over it. But I did not get angry because he was talking to this woman and when I asked him if we can go, I was not rude or anything, I simply said I wanted to go home. Their conversation was not serious and I could barely stand and they were just joking around. I would have never interrupted if it was a serious conversation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 6:15pm

OK so he admitted he shouldn't have left you & he brought you flowers--so try to get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 8:35pm

Alcohol can make people unreasonable--they are more apt to take seriously anything they regard as slights. Perhaps you could curtail your drinking somewhat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 07-31-2011 - 3:01am
there is nothing to curtail because i do not drink a lot but thanks anyways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 07-31-2011 - 3:06am
I am over it now because we talked about it. I came to this forum for some support because I did not know why I could not get over it in the morning like he did. But you know what your comment made me realize that coming on this forum for some advice was not a good idea.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 12:41am

I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 1:08am
I came to this board becuase I wanted an advice. I did not come on here for everyone to agree with me because I clearly admitted that something was wrong with me for not being able to get over my anger in the morning. However none of you even touched upon that., everyone is so quick to say well you were drunk or you started it. That was not the point. The point was that I did not know why I could not get over it when he clearly was, It was not so much who did what and whose fault it was. And no I was not rude to him and you really had to be there to see the situation. When I asked him if I was rude and out of line and he told me that i was not rude when I asked him to go home but he simply started walking fast because he had few drinks too and just did not realize at the moment that he left me behind. He thought I was behind him the whole time but I was not because I could not walk that fast.
But I am over it now, we talked about it and yesterday spent a lovely day together and I could not be happier because he truly is the most amazing guy I ever met and I am so blessed and grateful to have him in my life. Our fight was more about misunderstanding between the two us rather than anything else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:26am

If what you wanted was advice on how to get over it, then you should have said so, because the only questions you ask in your initial post are (and I quote):

"Am i overreacting? Should I still talk to him about it or drop it?"

I'm glad things worked out for you, though. Everyone has a "first fight" at some point in the relationship. It sounds like you have a guy who is very sincere and kind to you.

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