Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Need advice
1
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 10:00pm
Okay where do I start....I am 25 y/o female. I have been with my husband since I was 16 years old. We dated and then moved in with each other at 18. We lived together for a few years and when I was 22 we got married. He is going to be 27 next month. The reason I am writing is because I am confused about where we stand at this moment in time. I know I love him, we have been through a lot togther. We have no children because I have not been ready to take that step with him. My husband has a job that requires him to travel, he is usually gone Mon-Fri. He started this job 3 years ago so it is nothing new. I have recntly been thinking about what my life would and could be like without him. I can't really say anything bad about him, he is a good guy when it comes down to it. His major downfall is that he doesn't communicate. I get the impression that he is comfortable in our relationship, too confortable. Hes married to me, been with me forever, so doesn't think he needs to work at anything. I on the other hand am feeling neglected. Its bad enough he travels for work, but when hes home he enjoys playing on his computer (hes a gamer)I am not into that, I like going out with friends, and having a good time. He hates to go out. I just feel like we are young, have no children, we should be out enjoying ourselves, not sitting at home in seperate rooms. He plays his games all day and all night if he can. Its gotten to the point that, I almost hope he will be away for work so that I don't have to get aggrivated with the fact that hes on his computer rather than being with me.
When I have said something about it in the past he says well what else is there to do, I don't want to sit on the couch with u and watch tv, but yet he doesn't want to go out either. I feel like I can't win anymore. This is not the life I want, but I also don't want to end up divorced at 25. My parents divorced when I was 16 after 25 years of an unhappy marriage. That is my worst fear, living in an unhappy marriage and wasting my life away. I'm afraid we have grown apart and want different things in life. He is not willing to change, I don't know what to do....I am graduating nursing school in a few weeks, and I keep thinking about my future, and wether or not I want him in it. Either way this is a hard situation, hes all I know. Thats why I am so confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank U
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: idk80
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 10:23pm

I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems and congrats on your nursing school. I too am a nurse and I know that takes a lot of dedication. I have to say that there is one thing you should keep in mind when you think about your life without your husband. It's hard to find someone. I have had a hard time over the last several years to find someone I care to spend any time with at all. So if you think there is some hope for your relationship, work hard at it. The grass isn't always greener.

What I would suggest is maybe trying to find a game that you two could play together which would be something he enjoys doing but you could at least spend time together. Then ask him to do something that you enjoy. Hopefully that can bridge the gap and you can start building from there. Try to get away for the weekend, some place you both have wanted to visit or where you went on your honeymoon. You deserve that for your graduation. Not sure if this helps, but I feel what you are going through.