Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2003
Need Advice
2
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 4:00am


Hey I'm new but I have a situation I just want other peoples oppinions and some advice on and I hope it makes sence.

My current boyfriend J and I were dating 2 years ago in September, for about a month and a half , in which he and his sister moved out and were living together. He started getting drunk and doing a whole lot of other stuff I don't like. He ended up breaking up with me cause he didnt know what he wanted and he didnt want me around the stuff he was doing. Six months after he broke up with me he ended up joining the army, which I was proud of him for doing something constructive.We talked off and on for the two years. I did meet someone else C and it was really hard for me to get close to him, but we did go out for a year and half and became really good friends and more. But part of me still missed and wanted to be with J. In his letter when he was in the army he mentioned getting back together quite a bit, I wanted to but I told him I wouldnt. In the two years

8 months went by we didnt talk, then we went to war with Iraq and I started worrying about him so I asked one of our friends about him. Found our where he was and that he quit the army, so I descided to write him a letter not even expecting him to want to hear from me. Before I got the letter sent off he called. In the letter I got back from him, I didnt even expect, he still wanted to get backtogether and he told me everything he felt and that he was coming back in a couple weeks and we could talk about it then. The day he got back that night we hung out and talked he told be how he felt again, which meant more hearing it from him, but I didnt tell him that night. I was still together with C which has been my best friend for a year and a half. I ended up breaking up with him though and J and I got back together. The first 2 weeks we were together were great and it was really great to be back with him. When I brought up C and I being friends and hanging out and talking; cause he dont have a phone. He didnt want me too, we have been talking about this for about 2-3 weeks now. Tonight he baisically told me he wanted to be the only guy in my life and that if I had guy friends or go hang out with them, our relationship is over. C has been my best freind he has been there through everything and I dont want to kick him out of my life like that. J and I dont even do anything togehter really, but sit at his apartment which I dont mind once in a while and there are a few other issues I'm sure most couple go through. When I try to talk to him about this stuff he just gets mad. I know some of you are reading this probably thinking, whats wrong with C? thats something I cant explain but I have broken up with him 3 times for J cause I thought we would get backtogether and we never did till now. I just dong want to give up on a relationship which for two years we both have pretty much wanted. Things just arent looking good to me right now. K- I will stopp whinning. I just need someone elses oppinion. Thanx*


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2003
In reply to: monkeygrl18
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 9:56pm
He has no right to ask you to kick other males out of your life. He sounds domineering and controlling, I would suggest you stay away from him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: monkeygrl18
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:08am
Was this relationship with C purely platonic or not? It makes a BIG difference because if it wasn't platonic, then the two of you were a lot more than just friends, and I feel your boyfriend's feelings are justified. I mean, it hasn't even been that long, and you shouldn't be hanging with a guy who you are attracted to or have more than just platonic feelings for. However, if this relationship was always platonic, still is, and there is no room for anything else, I say that your boyfriend is being ridiculous, and I wouldn't get rid of C. A man is not going to make me choose who I am friends with as long as there isn't a legitimate concern or if it has grounds to be more than just a platonic friendship. It would not happen, and if he couldn't deal with it, he could go deal with someone else. JMHO.