Need Advice about situation with Hubby, Ex, & daughter, any Replies are Welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011
Need Advice about situation with Hubby, Ex, & daughter, any Replies are Welcome!
10
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 5:21pm

This is an issue my husband and I have been having, any replies and suggestions would be extremely helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Hi Justagirl, I think it's great that you are on good terms with your ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007

Is there any reason you have to stay with your daughter? Is he a capable and good daddy?

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Is this going on now that you have the baby too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011

This was going on last year. My ex had broken his ankle, was on crutches for months. Yes I know he could have had someone drive him to my place, but he didn't feel comfortable at my Father-in-law's house. I was staying with my Father-in-law for a bit last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011

He's a good Dad but there's been numerous times I have dropped her off just to turn right back around and pick her up. He's okay with children but only for soo long, he gets irritated with them easily if that makes sense? I know I don't understand it cause he's her Father...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011

I suppose I was the one going way out of my way to help build a relationship with my ex and his daughter. .. It does seem a bit like he is using me because I seem to be way too convenient.. Especially since I was doing all the driving and making all the effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
ahhh i can see why you wud want to stay close if thats the case, as she gets older and easier to entertain hopefully he will get more used to her but I would worry that wont happen if you are there for all visitations too hence what I said about it being better for them both for you not to be staying AND for your marriage! So as a compromise how about what music suggested - he brings her back OR you guys meet half way for both taking and bringing her back? again that is standard with visitation - to share the driving. My ex is a good man but he is a functioning alcoholic,and does nil parenting both of which has gotten progressivly worse since our split. He is totally trustworthy about never driving after a drink but he drinks from noon to going to bed at 7/8pm every day even with them there, so even tho supervision was lacking when he went to bed, there has never been one issue in the 10 yrs, so I have not had a reason to worry, or consider going for less visitation, and now they are teens and dont go as much so its less of an issue even if the drinking isnt the best environment. For me its the price I paid for divorce and marrying the wrong guy. Unfortunately theres always some price we pay with divorce when there are children involved.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Are there no other relatives or friends you could stay with whilst visiting there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

A very belated welcome to the board, Justagirllookingforanswers ~

The first thing I wonder is if you've thought of this from your husband's point of view....if you were overseas and he was driving to his ex's house and spending the weekend so she could visit with their child, would you be comfortable with the arrangement?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Amen