need advice badly..horrible situation

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
need advice badly..horrible situation
5
Wed, 09-05-2012 - 12:35pm
Hello..I need to get this out..talk to someone on neutral ground who knows nothing of me. I have been married for 8 years. In my opinion my husband and I have always been rocky. I was a wild child before we got together. Him..not so much. He was a solid man with a good family and seemed to really care about me and my young son.
Well. He is controlling. With money,friends family many facets of our relationship. He is a social guy with lots of friends. And I am not as social, I guess not as open as he is. So mist of my friends are women whom I have met through him..wines of his friends. I have no friends who are my own. Except for family members who I am somewhat distanced from. Family life is..ok. I have a previous son..preteen age..and two young sons with my husband. Him and preteen son don't get along too well although they both try. My husband has a temper. He is very hard to get along with at home. He has disciplined the kids a little harshly at times and 2 times I have taken the kids and left because he has gotten out of control. We of course went back..and overtime we do it is a beautiful family for awhile..he is perfect husband..perfect father.
Ok..here is my story. I am not perfect by any means . I am disorganized..my house is somewhat messy..all the time..I tend to drink a bit too much at times. And a little over a year ago entered into an emotional relationship with a single casual acquaintance of our group of friends. I am going to continue my story in another post because I am afraid I will lose what I've written so far..thanks for sticking with me.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Re: need advice badly..horrible situation
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 3:57pm

Hi,

You definetly need help recognizing your abusive relationship. I suggest you start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or www.thehotline.org. If you visit their web site you can find additional information and answers to your questions. Or check your local yellow pages for a local domestic violence service.

Getting help with the abuse doesn't automatically mean you're going to be divorced. It's an opportunity for both you and your husband to get objective help for this issue. He may not even realize his actions are 'abuse," and he may not understand why he's abusive. He needs help, too, especially if you want to save your marriage.

I also encourage you to ask for help from alcoholics anonmyous for your drinking. You're drinking for a reason and you need to be sober so you can raise your kids and take care of yourself. Whether you stay or go in the marriage, this is very important you get control of your alcohol use.

It's not a good idea to have an outside boyfriend. It doesn't matter if it's "platonic" it's clearly another way for you to avoid dealing with your husband and the state of your marriage. If it's so obvious to your husband that your friend cares about you; you're not hiding anything behind a mask of friendship. Your friend needs to step back and give you the space you need to deal with your marriage.  It's also important you have a clear head so you can think about what it is you want to do and how you want to go forward.

Start with the Hotline and go from there. You have a lot of challenges ahead of you but you deserve to be treated well, be sober, and by happy. Good luck.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Re: need advice badly..horrible situation
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 8:34pm

~hugs~

You are not to blame, this was not your fault!

<3

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 8:39pm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm

...to read more

"Getting out of an abusive relationship

If you need immediate assistance, call 911 or your local emergency service.

For domestic violence helplines and shelters, click here.

Why doesn’t she just leave? It’s the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is being battered and abused. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety."

 
Nightangel