Need advice/thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2010
Need advice/thoughts
8
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 1:10am

I can't understand. I'm in a relationship with a man who has a 7 year old son. I don't have children. He is completely consummed with his son and alienates others when they are together which is 90percent of the time. He doesn't pick up his phone or return calls because he says he is busy with his son and is extremely brief if I text him. If we go out..we usually cut the night early, which 11 is early for me, so he can get back home to his son.

He doesn't do anything for himself and lets his ex take advantage of him while she leaves their son with him on her weekends becuase she is out living her life. Our relationship is long distance and I have offered several times to go visit whenever and how often he likes but then dates are always an issue becuase he has his son and I guess doesn't want me there. I have also failed to try to get him to plan a trip way in advance and schedule with his ex in hopes that we can keep the date. (no go)

I know he's not seeing anyone else and it would take way too long to explain how I know.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 1:49am

Welcome to the board, Neverhappy75 ~

Two quick questions:


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 9:02am

When you are dating someone, you are also dating the life they live. If you don't like this guy's life, then the answer becomes very clear. I, too, am interested in how long you have been in a relationship with him, although I'm not sure it would change my answer to you. In dating, two people either gel together or they don't. If you're not "gelling" with this guy then that's a huge sign that it's not the right relationship. When you feel like you're pounding a round peg into a square hole, you are in a relationship that doesn't have enough harmony to make you feel really good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 2:47pm

I think you should find someone who has no kids to date because you aren't realistic about the demands of having a small child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 11:04pm

How long has he been divorced?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 12:35am

That may very well be the case, Lilred, but if it is, it means he's not yet ready for another relationship.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 3:20am
Absolutely agree. That would be a very hard place to be and painful too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 8:04pm
I stopped dating guys with kids because they all tended to be this way. They were absolute slaves to their kids. It was frustrating and, frankly, rude. I have a child too, but she didn't need my constant attention and she doesn't call the shots. She has always known that the world does not revolve around her and she's a pleasant child to be around as a result. She's never had a problem with me or her dad dating either.

I believe that some of them used it as an excuse to not get close to anyone. But who knows really. Who would want to have to deal with a total spoiled brat that isn't even theirs? Not me. Bad news.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:42pm