Need advise NOW!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need advise NOW!!!!!!!!!
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:40am
Okay well today is the beginning of the weekend of my birthday and my b/f is nowhere to br found. I spoke with him earlier and he claimed to be tired, he just got back from the fire department he has been up there for the last 21/2 days. SO I was being considerate and thought maybe we would do something tomorrow night. But instead of him getting some freaken rest I have no idea where he is at and me well I am at home by myself...I feel really messed up and very hurt. On valentine he didnt get me anything and he said it's bcuz to him its not a big deal why should he be told when to do something nice for the person he loves. Okay I respected that he then stated that to him bdays and anniversaries and xmas and othe rholidays are the one that mean something. Hello IT MY BDAY!! I feel so down. I am so stressed I have never felt so unimportant. Please what should I do. I called him twice already I dont want to keep calling and seem desperate but WHERE IS HE?

HELP....I know he will call later way later I dont know what to tell him..PLease help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 2:10am
First of all...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

...let me apologize for the time it's taken me to respond to your posts and for the lack of response you've received in general. The new board format has made it necessary to spend all of my time hunting around the boards to learn navigational tools so that I can help the boards be easier for all members to use. The new format seems to have kept all the members from posting and that certainly hasn't helped you get the responses you're looking for. Know that this is not normal for this board.

I am somewhat confused by your posts, though; maybe you can clear some things up for me. Your last post and this post seem to be talking about two different guys. Not that I think that's literally the case, but your first post says you never fight, etc., while this one describes upset over Valentines day and I suspect that's not the only time you've been upset with him. You mentioned that he's been at the fire station for 2.5 days, but in your first post said he was starting his own business, I'm confused! You also said you "know he's going to call later", which would indicate a pattern of his being gone and calling you when he returns. Is that correct? The issue in your first post was of the fragile place your relationship is in, that he's suggested ending it, this is of your anger and frustration that he's not there for your birthday. Honestly, it sounds like he's more than half out of the door already. If ignoring your birthday isn't something he would have done before, most certainly it's a sign that your relationship is close to the end.

I think there's a lot more going on here than we understand and for that reason, I don't think I can give you a suggestion on how to respond to his absence. Your first post said "he still calls", which sounds like he calls but you don't get together. If that's the case and the two of you had made no plans for your birthday, I'm sure you're very hurt and surprised as I'm sure you were hoping he'd show up, but you really had no right to expect him to. If that's the case, this serves as a wake up call to the seriousness of his suggestion of ending your relationship, it would mean that your relationship is for all pratical purposes over. Again, I don't think I have a clear picture of where your relationship is right now, so I'm not sure which direction to take this.

I also have a hard time understanding your describing your relationship as being both romantic and best friends, yet say you kept your feelings hidden for fear of scaring him off. Guess I don't really understand how you could both pretend it was casual for so long, if you're as close as the picture you painted, it seems it would have certainly come through. And if his discussion brought out the fact that you both are serious about your feelings for each other, why is he still considering ending it? Finding out you both felt the same for each other would have had your relationship continuing and stepping up to a new level. Frankly, it sounds as though his reason for breaking up may have been a way for him to end it and let you down easy, your response caused him to continue rather than end it as he'd planned. Nothing else really makes sense. But again, I don't think we have a clear enough picture of what's going on here to form any kind of accurate thoughts.

Can you help us out?


"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 7:26pm
In my personal opinion and experience that I have had with situations like that...I think if the person you are with cares enough about you he would tell you where he is. In your case, it seems like he has been working a hell of a lot lately, so maybe he got his mind crossed on where he is exactly at the moment. Stuff like that happens, but he should never forget about the person he is with. If he cared enough about you, he would have least called you already. It is your birthday. I would be pretty down myself and wondering where he would be. You are not over-reacting. The whole valentine's opinion, that is a special day for love. I can understand if you boyfriend is broke and has no extra money to spend, but at least get a piece of paper and write 'happy valentines' day' on it or show it in more ways than being extra sweet and lovable or just spending the night be yourselves enjoying a movie. You should both be thankful to have each other on that day, everything counts. You should questoin yourself if your boyfriend really cares about you..would he run that extra mile or go out on that limb for you?