Need help and advice PLEASE!
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| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:17am |
I have been in a relationship with my husband for six years. 3 dating 3 married. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is now 12. My husband and I have a daughter together who is 2. Problem #1. My husband never wanted kids. In fact, after dating me for a couple of months, he broke up with me because I had a kid. He phoned me after a couple of days, saying he made a mistake and we got back together. Hence, here we are now. He is very good with our 2 year old, who is his, but he is not so great with my 12 year old. He says he loves her, but he treats her different. This in turn makes me angry and resentful towards him. He seems exceptionally hard on her, and the harder he is on her the more it pushes me away from him. He nags constantly about things. It is almost like he is jealous of her. Does this make sense? All I know is that it has really made me fall out of love with him. I often find myself feeling like I would rather raise the kids alone than be with him. He is a hard worker, a great provider, and I know he loves me so much. I feel very secure in the relationship that I dont think he would cheat on me. I am not jealous. He doesnt drink or go out, he is more of a homebody, loves gaming on the computer. So in alot of ways he is ideal. So shame on me, maybe I should have had a clue when he broke with me the first time, but I was so in love then, and I thought he meant it when he said he had changed his mind and that things would be fine. Our sex life is non existent because I do not want to have sex with him, I feel bad for it, but I cant help it. I feel like I should let him go to be with someone who could give him what he deserves, sometimes I feel that person is not me. I really dont know what to do. I care about him, is it love anymore, I dont know, HELP!
Michelle

It might help if you both attended a parenting class/counseling so the both of you could present a united front and move forward.... the counselor could point out his harshness, the two of you might learn to communicate better and reach a compromise and then in turn your sex life would improve.
I hope he will go with you.
Carrie
First thing, Snowwhite, you've got to stop feeling guilty and ungrateful for all the wonderful things your husband is. Yes, he may be great in a lot of areas, but stop and think about this from your daughter's point of view; her childhood is filled with unfair treatment from a stepfather who's hard on her, but that's okay because mom says except for that he's such a great guy? I'm thinking she'd feel like she's being sacrificed here and I think she'd be justified, don't you? She shouldn't have to put up with unfair treatment for you, it's not her job. Her job is to be a kid and be protected and loved.
Have you talked to him about this and told him how you feel? Does he know why you aren't interested in sex and that the harder he is on her the farther away you get? Is he willing to work together to find a resolution? Seeing a counselor/therapist who is certified in family therapy would be ideal. Would he go?
What do you think, Snowwhite?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Yes I have talked with him about his harshness with my daughter. He doesnt get it. I doubt he ever will. I am going to talk with him today about seeing a counseler together. I hope that it works. I really hate the way things are now. My daughter is very important to me and I will leave him if he cant change.
Thanks for the posts, I really appreciate your suggestions and thoughts.
Michelle
Good luck, Michelle.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"