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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:05am |
My BF and I have our anniversary in a couple of days.We are together 1 year.We are very passionate and love each other.From time to time he told me that when this special day would arrive he wanted to do sth special about it.Now he tells me to go celebrate another day because he wants to go hunting with his friend who can't join him another day...!Hunting is his big passion ,he goes 5days/week.Is it weird that I am disturbed by this fact?I told him and of course he volunteered to "sacrifice" hunting but now I don't want because I would prefer he had thought about it himself,especially that we discussed it all year round and very often the last month.He says that I am his first priority but sometimes he makes me feel that I am not important enough for him!When I tell him about it he laughs saying that I don't understand and that sometimes I create problems when they do not exist (this is true because sometimes I may make a scene because he didn't answer to my sms and other trivial things)because we love each other and have a great time together but he loves me and steps back...I know I am very insecure and he has told me too but at times I can't help feeling like he doesn't give a damn although deep deep inside I know he loves me perhaps more than I do.
Do you think I am not logical?Is there anything I can do to stop feeling this way and not create fake problems to our relationship?We discuss a lot and we always tell each other exactly what is in our minds that is why I feel that I trouble him with my own problems and insecurities because he is always willing to help me and discuss with me and although he is very calm I make him sad and upset at times with the problems I create or because of the problems I may have in my home or work and pass them to him beacause he really cares.
PS.we will go to dinner to celebrrate our anniversary,do you have any good idea to surprise him?Thanks

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Okay here's what I'm going to do.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Yep...I was sure you would do that.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Natalia, I know this conversation is pretty much over by now, you've heard what we have to say and have come to your own conclusion, as it should be. But, I want to pipe in with some that the others haven't touched much on.
Relationships that are right, good, healthy (you choose, they all fit) do not put one person's feelings ahead of the others, but he does. A good relationship does not make you anxious, insecure and does not make you feel that you're "making fake problems" Good, healthy appropriate, positive relationships respect your feelings, and even if one of you doesn't *see* a problem, that person cares very much that you have a problem, and they feel that if you have a problem then they have a problem too because you are half of the relationship, and that relationship has a problem. Good, healthy appropriate, positive partners respect you for who you are and how you are. They do not want or need you to change how you act, what you like or even how you dress. They respect that you are who you are and know that if they don't like how you are in any way, it's not something to comment on or try to change, it's something they have to decide if they can accept, and if they can't, then that person is not right for them. In short, a good guy cares about you and your feelings, never tries to make your feelings not valid. They don't tell you you don't dress good enough, sexy enough or anything else. You are who you are and if that's not okay for them then they're not the right person for you, period.
Any relationship that you have to hide, or that you can't tell the whole truth about is not a healthy relationship, period. It means that you know it's not right, and you hide it so you can continue to avoid the truth. If you can't be completely honest about what you're doing, you have no business doing it. That applies to anything and everything in your life. Do not lose sight of what you know. Do not make decisions you know aren't really the right ones to be making. Don't let yourself pretend the truth isn't the truth. Always know in your head what's real. And don't stay long enough to really hurt yourself. Good relationships empower you. You're already questioning yourself, feeling bad, being anxious. You know those aren't the hallmarks of a good relationship and you know these aren't good things to be feeling. The longer you stay, the more damage you'll do and the longer it will take to resolve the baggage you're accumulating.
Please keep these things in mind while you continue this relationship. You're young and as such haven't had a lot of relationship experience, so you don't recognize a bad relationship from a good one as someone who's older would. The dangerous part of that is that sometimes young people commit to these bad relationships because they have no idea how much incredibly better a healthy, right, good relationship would be. I know a girl who fits into that category. When she finally ended her relationship with her lousy boyfriend and found a good, healthy guy who was really compatible with her she could not believe how good it was, normal, everyday things for the rest of us were incredible revelations and instances of sweetness on her new boyfriends part when really, the relationship was just a normal healthy one.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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