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Need some adive
| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:55pm |
Okay first let me give a little background. I am getting married June 17 to my high school sweet heart who I truly love with all of my heart. We have been living together for 14 months. So here is my problem.
With the wedding only 4 months away I am really starting to double think if I am ready for all of this. Yes I want to be “grown up” with a child to call my own. I want that more then anything. But now I have to sit back and think if I am doing it with the right man. Don’t get me wrong, I love my soon to be with all of my heart. But like tonight on the way home from pre-material counseling he said “if your f***** attitude doesn’t stop then I am not marrying you”! How can you say that to somebody that you love with all of your heart or somebody that you say that you love? I just don’t get it. Yes I get so mad at him sometimes but I would never say something like that to him. I think that a lot of my doubts come because of our fights yes. In couseling last week he couldn’t even think of one good quality that he liked about me. When I asked him about it he said because he is shy and doesn't like being put on the spot. (We are doing couseling with total strangers and that was our 1st night) The other couple had a hard time choosing one for each other. And here he is not even being able to pick out one. I don’t know listening to the other couple and seeing the love they have for each other just makes me jealous. My soon to be is like a big kid.
We fight about money all the time. But no means do I want to say that we are poor but there are times when we do have to live paycheck to paycheck. Not the best thing and I know that. But he has a lot of bills. ($1900 a month just himself) He likes to hang out with his friends and spend money and I get pissed becasue I know that we don't have it. I broke down every house bill last night and showed him where our money goes. And then tonight he asks for more money. Its like it just went in one ear and out the other. I know money problems are the biggest cause of fights for newlyweeds.
I guess that I just want to know if I am taking our problems to the extreme. I am also dealing with a lot of personal issues right now so its possible that I am just making things harder on myself
With the wedding only 4 months away I am really starting to double think if I am ready for all of this. Yes I want to be “grown up” with a child to call my own. I want that more then anything. But now I have to sit back and think if I am doing it with the right man. Don’t get me wrong, I love my soon to be with all of my heart. But like tonight on the way home from pre-material counseling he said “if your f***** attitude doesn’t stop then I am not marrying you”! How can you say that to somebody that you love with all of your heart or somebody that you say that you love? I just don’t get it. Yes I get so mad at him sometimes but I would never say something like that to him. I think that a lot of my doubts come because of our fights yes. In couseling last week he couldn’t even think of one good quality that he liked about me. When I asked him about it he said because he is shy and doesn't like being put on the spot. (We are doing couseling with total strangers and that was our 1st night) The other couple had a hard time choosing one for each other. And here he is not even being able to pick out one. I don’t know listening to the other couple and seeing the love they have for each other just makes me jealous. My soon to be is like a big kid.
We fight about money all the time. But no means do I want to say that we are poor but there are times when we do have to live paycheck to paycheck. Not the best thing and I know that. But he has a lot of bills. ($1900 a month just himself) He likes to hang out with his friends and spend money and I get pissed becasue I know that we don't have it. I broke down every house bill last night and showed him where our money goes. And then tonight he asks for more money. Its like it just went in one ear and out the other. I know money problems are the biggest cause of fights for newlyweeds.
I guess that I just want to know if I am taking our problems to the extreme. I am also dealing with a lot of personal issues right now so its possible that I am just making things harder on myself

message deleted by me.
I read cl 2nd life's advice and think that it makes a lot of sense.
Edited 2/23/2006 12:00 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Pre-marriage counseling is designed to help you see whether this is the right decision for you to make, and it seems to be helping you see clearly what needs to happen. Please don't marry this guy, you will regret it. Honestly, from what you've described I am seriously concerned that this relationship will be come abusive, if it isn't already; he shows all the signs. This is serious, please, please leave him. You know your gut is telling you that's the right thing to do, listen to it; your gut will not steer you wrong.
Do yourself a favor and respost your post on the Dealing With Domestic Abuse board to see what they think. I have a feeling they'll see a lot of danger and a lot of reasons for you to step away from this relationship. Check it out for your sake and for the sake of your future, Stylish. I'm truly concerned.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
Edited 2/22/2006 11:45 pm ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"