Need some advice...
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|Fri, 12-18-2009 - 8:40am|
I am a 25 year old, happily engaged to a wonderful guy who suffers from alot of issues from growing up with an abusive family. That's not the problem, the problem is that both his parents are gone now (before I met him), so the Christmas season is very difficult for him. Now, I have always loved Christmastime, and I try to make the holiday a little easier for him as much as I can.
This time of year is always hard for him, but this year is even worse since he's been out of work for almost a year. I was laid off as well, a few months ago, so with money being so tight (I'm the only one who qualified for unemployment assistance), we have had to go to my folks for help here & there.
My folks are very helpful, I had a wonderful childhood and they even paid for my college schooling by themselves and bought me my first car. They have helped us out alot since we both lost our jobs, from sometimes paying for our gas, buying us food when we don't have enough cash, and even paying us for odd jobs around the house.
My fiance (his name's Keith) and my dad have their issues, most of them revolve around Keith not being able to find work (we're in western New York, the area has next to nothing to offer, even part time jobs are hard to find), and I know that both my parents are worried about my future.
Last night my dad and Keith came to harsh words again, and now Keith won't come to Christmas dinner (he wasn't planning on going for most of the fall, but just last week he and dad started to "make up," until things blew up last night), which is upsetting to me, but I think I can deal with it.
What I need advice on is this, I called my sister to tell her what was going on (we have been closer in recent years more than when we were growing up, and she likes Keith), and after calming me down - I get very emotional very easily, with things being so tough lately it seems like I cry at the drop of a hat - she told me that for the last few months my folks have been trying to come up with ways to get Keith and I to split up, even going and asking my sister for ideas!
Now, I can't tell Keith this, it would devestate him. He - and I - thought that at least my mom liked him and enjoyed having him around, even if dad was more vocal about his concerns with Keiths unemployment. I told my sister I wouldn't say anything about it to the folks so they don't get mad at her for telling me, I just feel so betrayed. They're my parents- and I know they want the best for me, but what Keith and I are struggling through is only temporary, we will both find jobs again & get back on our feet, they know how happy he makes me and how in love we both are, I just can't believe they've been scheming for so long to try and tear us apart.
Now I'm afraid to even visit, afraid that when me & mom are chatting ('ve always been close with my mother), that she'll say something nice about Keith and I know it won't be true. I mean, I'm not niave, but I'm not the best at picking up on lies...I never really felt I had to, especially not from my folks. Now, I'll be going over for Christmas without Keith (we've been together for 3 years & past Christmases at my folks have gone over fine), which'll be hard & awkward enough...but now that I know their real intentions...I feel like I can't believe a word they say. Especially my mother...
Anyone have any ideas of what I should do? Or should I do nothing? I don't like keeping secrets from Keith, it's something we're both very passionate about, but I think if I tell him what they've been doing, he'll get even more depressed & never want to give my folks another chance at all. I don't want to confront my folks (well, part of me really does want to), because they've been so good to me & to keith, and also I'm no good at confrontations, and plus I dont wanna get my sister in trouble for telling me.
Saying nothing seems to be the way to go, it's just gonna eat away at me, especially at Christmas dinner without Keith, and also especially when Keith makes a comment along the lines of "atleast your mom likes me."
I just feel so hurt and betrayed...it feels good to get it off my chest though.
Sorry for the lengthy post.