Need some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Need some advice.
37
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:32pm
Ok, I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for almost a year now. We couldn't afford much in terms of an engagement ring for me when we got married. Well, I would like a new one now and he is upset because he thinks that I think the first one "isn't good enough". That is honestly not the case. I thought we had an agreement that we would get me something a little nicer when we could afford to do so (and I remember talking about it).Should I just give up on getting a new ring or should I persist on the topic? I really don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to sound selfish, but I don't think I should have to wear the same ring my whole life when we can afford to get something else. Any advice would be helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:53pm

You guys are really surprising me, I thought there'd be at least a few opposing viewpoints!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 12:26am
I would love it if he were to surprise me with a new ring! I'll admit, I'll just a little doubtful about that though because he was so opposed and upset about getting me a new one. But obviously if he were to surprise me, I wouldn't complain! lol!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 12:28am
I'm really surprised too! I thought I would be getting all kinds of backlash about this topic. I asked for it though. Take the good with the bad I guess. :) lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 10:29am

I've thought about getting a new engagement ring, but I just can't give up the one I currently have. Though I want something bigger, lol! So MY plan is just let H buy me new jewelry..... :)

If H agreed to it then it should be a non-issue. Or if he's changed how he feels then he needs to TALK about it and tell you why and have the two of you come up with a compromise. If you want a bigger ring, and you can afford it, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I can't do it though-- I'm too attached to the one he gave me. So I've decided to go with a 1/2 carat diamond eternity band to wear next to it. :)

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 11:35am
Thanks for replying. I don't want to give up my current ring either. I was thinking of either wearing it on my right hand or putting it away for safekeeping. I'll have to see what happens though. We talked a little about it yesterday, but we haven't got much further on the subject. I don't want him to think I'm pushing the issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 3:18pm

I agree with orangecuse.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 3:57pm
I agree also that I wouldn't want him feeling resentful about my ring if other people admire it. I've said all along that I don't want to hurt his feelings. There was never an agreed upon time to get me a new one. But I also don't think that he should have made an agreement about it if he didn't plan to follow through with it, being a year into marriage or five or ten. We just both agreed that when we could afford to do so, we would. The tone of the conversation implying as soon as we could afford to do so. Well, we can afford it now... but like I've said, it's not my biggest worry you know? I was just wanting different advice and opinions on the matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:57pm
Hi Butterfly,
Just read your question, and I truthfully think you should ride the tide, and wait patiently for the new ring. Im sure he has every intention of getting a better one, especially since you voiced your opinion, but maybe right now still is not the best time for that to happen. I think if you pressure him about it, he is going to feel insecure, and that could spell trouble. Hold tight, your jewel will come, and you'll be happy you waited!
~Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 6:17pm
Thanks for the positive reply Erin. I think I am going to just wait it out. I don't think my world will end if I don't get a new ring right now! lol. At least he knows where I stand. :) Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:38pm

I agree with you Butterfly. It wouldn't be right or fair for you to be "sensitive to his feelings" and give up an upgraded ring when it's something the two of you agreed on before hand. Unless, of course, you put a gun to his head to get the agreement in the first place, which I'm assuming you didn't. To me, an upgrade ring would be every bit as special as the first one, maybe more so as it would represent the more solid and secure relationship the two of you have built, both emotionally, physically and financially. It would be a statement of a stronger, more mature and very much still loving relationship, of how far you've come, you know?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"