Need some insight - out of love? (long)
Find a Conversation
Need some insight - out of love? (long)
| Sat, 01-28-2006 - 1:06pm |
I'm looking for someone else's viewpoint on this.
Background:
DH and I have been married nearly 10 years, together for 12 and we have one child (3 1/2 yrs old).

If you were going to leave the military and still continue on your career path, where would you have to live to do that? Is it possible he could open a store there?
Right now, it doesn't seem that you have put in enough years to be able to get a good civilian job. I don't know how much experience you brought with you, but you have only been in the military a few years. How many years would you have to put in to be sure of securing a good job with high pay and excellent benefits? Maybe your husband would agree to go with you for that many years if you agree to then live with him in the area where you can pursue your career, and support him as he opens his store. Good luck to him with that, by the way--my husband spent most of his adult life in retail, and it is EXHAUSTING!
It seems to me that the "small issues" you mention may not be as small as you indicate. Racial intolerance, to me, is unacceptable and would be a dealbreaker, I wouldn't be willing to stay in a relationship with someone who wasn't racially accepting. The dislike for your mother and your sister are his issues and he has no business trying to make you go along with his feelings on this. My opinion on that would change, however, if your mother and sister were openly hateful to him, disrespectful, etc. That would change my thoughts and feelings on the issue. But, if it's merely that he doesn't like them, doesn't get along with them, trying to get you to dislike your mother and refusing to let his daughter visit your sister (unless there's a reason that her visiting isn't acceptable) is wrong, wrong, wrong. It's controlling, demanding and disrespectful to you. If his dislike for your sister is such that he refuses to let your daughter visit, your daughter is likely caught up in the hate to some degree. She may not understand, but she can certainly feel the hate, and is being affected by it. Her relationship with her aunt, as well has how she views relationships with others will be shaped by how he handles this. If the moving/staying issue didn't exist, would you be happy and satisfied in the marriage? Would you be content to continue or would you give thought to ending the marriage? My thought is that while the difference in where you each are now may be the icing on the cake, the cake itself may be bigger than you've recognized.
I will say that these kinds of things come up in some marriages, where one partner changes their mind on a previously agreed on important issue in the marriage. It's not fair, but obviously, they didn't realize their mind would change. When that happens you reach a place where both can't be happy or satisfied.
Have you seen a marriage counselor?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"