Need your opinions please....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Need your opinions please....
12
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:14am

Found out something yesterday that I'm not sure how to deal with. I'm probably over-reacting, but I think I have the right to...
Background - my husband and I have been married for nearly 3 years, no kids yet. We've had our problems, for sure, but overall it's great.
Anyway, back on Mother's Day weekend, I took a day off to spend a long weekend with my parents. No big deal, more often than not, his work doesn't let him join me.
That Friday night, he went out with his sister and her work pals and acted as their DD. Everyone had a good time, no one drove drunk. All in all, a good weekend for everyone, right?
Well, yesterday, we find out that sister-in-law's boss has a "thing" for my husband. MY husband. Now, she's married. With 2 kids. Apparently she (I'll call her P) told my sister-in-law (M) and she told my husband yesterday. We're flabbergasted. So she thinks he's cute/funny/nice whatever. I don't care. No biggie on that part for me. I'm not a jealous person. I don't bug out if my hubby looks at another girl. He ain't blind, for crying out loud.

So I don't know exactly to what degree this "thing" is. I didn't get to talk to M directly and get details. But get this - this woman called my husband's work and gets his email address from the receptionist. EXCUSE ME?!?!
Now, she's gone too far, don't you think? Just what the heck does she think she's doing?
And she might never contact him, but still. She's got some nerve getting his email when she's married - with kids - never mind he's MY husband. I'm so mad, that I'm just like, I dare her to email him just so I can confront her and tell her a thing or two about marriage vows. Would she like for her husband to know that she's gotten the email address of her employee's brother? Oh, let me also say that their work fields are nowhere near related, so the business contact thing is out of the question.
You're probably thinking I should be flattered that another woman has interest in my husband, and I would be, if she hadn't gotten his email. That just burns me up. If she's got problems at her house and is looking for some somewhere else, keep my family out of it. I don't have much tolerance for a wandering spouse.

So tell me I'm overreacting, she'll never email him, that she isn't some two-bit hussy bent on wrecking her family and attempting to split mine. Cuz heaven knows I'd love to give her a piece of my mind.

A

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:13pm

cl-2nd_life,

you make a great case! and you're right. play it cool, subtly let her know i'm not going anywhere...lol

regarding dh's reaction, i think he was more stunned b/c she's married, with kids. if it had been a single woman hitting on him, he woulda been simply flattered, but politely told her, sorry, i'm married, not interested. nice to meet you- buh-bye. (sometimes, my husband is much too nice of a person, but i love him for it!) i think it's more of a "stun" because she knows he's married, and she's married herself. like i said before, neither of us have much tolerance for cheating.

an update - she did email him. last week. which is before SIL told him about it. of course, i'm not sure of the timeline of when this woman told my SIL she'd gotten the email address, so i don't know what's going on there. DH isn't in the office very often, and he was finally able to check his email yesterday. DH said it was pretty innocent, that she said something like she hoped he was having a good week and that the DD night was fun. he's decided to ignore her and hope she'll get the hint.

dh wonders why, if a woman did want to have an affair, why go after someone that her circle knows? why someone connected to her own employee, and tell her about it? (another reason for his reaction. to him it doesn't make sense that a woman would tell anyone about something like this) it's starting to sound like this woman is lonely and bored, and she may just be looking for a diversion, someone to talk to. maybe not so much as an affair just yet, but that's a good way to get one started, huh?

who knows? i've never met her, and that was the only time DH ever met her, so the social get-together you suggested would probably be obvious as to what we're up to! but it's still a "high road" idea that i'll keep in mind. :-)

thanks for your input!!

anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 7:24am

i_girlfriend here.

I know exactly where you are coming from and I have to say that I too am in a situation where a co-worker got her grips on my Hub and H for being the person he is chit chatted with her. They saw eachother each day, she would spill her heart out and tell him all about this relationship she is in with her live-in boyfriend of 3 years and him being obsessively jealous and not giving her space blah blah blah and all this while she has 3 kids from different fathers in her 31 years of age and my H fell into it. She was new in the area and had no friends (wonder why) and latched onto my H. Innocent enough and nothing that rang any bells for me until a situation arouse and all of a sudden the hairs went up. He didn't keep it a secret from me and told me all about her issues etc but then I did something that I never did before, I started losing my trust in him. I went so far as to look at our business phonebills and a number kept coming up so I had it checked and found that it was this piece of low life's cell no. Now I watch everything he does and for awhile got really ticked about anything he did. Hey, I am married 22 years. I would joke about itand ask if he heard from his "girlfriend" today and so on and he ate it up cause the jealousy thing came into play and made him feel good so I stopped. I am not around to see him on the phone or if she calls our store but very upset over all this and I don't want to confront him with how I am getting my information yet cause he may hide it. I don't think he would go to the extent of "doing anything stupid" and lose what he has (bragging) but we have had our distances lately and I find that communicating with him has changed so the signs are there but I don't know how far to push this yet. She finally moved out of her relationship with her boyfriend and out of the area and no longer working with my H but still, just communicating on the phone is getting me. Thank goodness he has no idea how to use a computer - lol.I am not a confrontational type of person so I have to be very careful to approach things and with my kids with us 24-7 I dont want to get into a fighting match but if I see that things don't change with us, I am going to do something cause I have never not trusted him before and this feeling of not trusting is the worse thing that could happen in a marriage. Have any suggestions?

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