New here: he won't have sex with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2012
New here: he won't have sex with me.
5
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 6:51pm

I'll try to keep this concise. My boyfriend and I have been dating since last March (2011). On our third date we got a little tipsy together and that is when I decided to disclose that I have herpes. I assured him with statistics and reputable studies that since I take Valtrex he has little chance of getting it, and if we use a condom in addition to that he'd have an even SMALLER chance of getting it. I've told this to men before sex in my two previous long term relationships and they were okay with it once they knew the facts. My (now) boyfriend told me he was okay with it, too. We ended up having sex that night and many more times that week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 7:28pm

Hi,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 8:10pm

jackhaley wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 10:47pm

It's really unfortunate that you are in this situation where in other ways he is a really nice person & you are compatible but this seems like a major obstacle unless you want to continue in a sexless realtionship for the rest of your life and you are pretty young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:11am

This is very unfortunate . The best thing could have been that the moment you told him , he should have not made a next date and chapter closed .

Since that cant be undone , youve gotta realize that no matter how much you love him or he loves you , this thing is going to remain with him long term . You will have to endure a lot for the only reason that he has this unreasonable mind set. As you have had bfs before who didnt ever bother about it, I would break up with this one and find another . Most guys wont worry to this extent and since you have found one like that , its best to let him go and free yourself .

He seems to have tried but most likely has concluded in his mind that he cant get over it . To be honest , nothing wrong with that as well. He doesnt have to .

I would break up and find another who wont rip me off of my confidence,self esteem , mood or anything related to being me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2012
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:56pm

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I guess that is what I needed to hear. I doubt he'll change, since it seems to be getting worse.