New Here! Would Love Your Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
New Here! Would Love Your Help!!!
24
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:51pm

I've been with my husband for 10 1/2 years, we've always had our ups and down! Mostly downs. We've broken up and gotten back together during that time we have two beautiful girls. The thing is he cheated on me when we first got together I was hurt but more angry that i open my heart to someone and he hurt me, I could not trust him anymore. We broke up a couple times and got back together but i could never shake the feelings he will cheat on me. I always feel women have a six sense and I could tell when something is wrong, every time that happens I would ask him what's going on and he would say nothing. But I had my suspicions and they all have been true, he have a lot of female friends, I didn’t mind but he never mention to couple of them we were married or got back together, when I found this out I told him to leave and don’t come back, but he don’t want to go. I’ve always been there to support him financially.

Most of his friends I don’t know, and he keep making excuses why we don’t go out with his friends or why he can’t take me here or there. I always catch him in a lie and I’ve told him I’m not happy and I would like for us to separate, but he still won’t leave! I’ve tried to do things with him but he’s always busy with his games and friends!
What next step should I take since I’m not happy in my marriage? All I do is work go home be with my kids….I don’t even go and hang out…!! WHAT SHOULD BE MY NEXT STEP SINCE HE WON'T LEAVE!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 5:15pm

I know things will get better, the older girl understands I did not hide anything form her, the baby I will explain as she gets older, but he's sees them I'm not going to come between that. Just as long as he don't come to my home. The funniest he finds the time to talk to me asking me how I'm doing, before this man could not find the time to even asked how my day was going!

I doing great! Thank God I have my job money is not a problem…..I’m at the gym and boy do I feel great…….So I’m getting back on my feet slowly but I’m doing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:46am

Well of course he's got time and interest in you now -- he's trying to get you to take him back so he can have things back the way they used to be!


I'm glad things are going well for you. In my previous situation, the one thing my ex did for me was to be absent so much that I was virtually handling every on my own while we were together. I learned how to be a single parent while we were still together! I used to think that living without him would be the same amount of work with less stress and I was right! I'm not saying I didn't have some struggles, I was truly poverty stricken for a while, but at no time did I for a second regret separating. The peace and lack of stress was well worth all the problems I faced.


I'm glad your kids are doing okay too. I don't know how old yours are, mine were 7 and 4 when we split. The adjusted very well, but always did that typical negative behavior when they came back from a visit with dad. It got so I'd meet them at the door, remind them what the rules here were and know I'd spend their first day back being a firm disciplinarian. First day back was never a fun day for any of us. But, we survived.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 10:54am

My oldest is 9yrs and the other one is 1 1/2. The older one understood when we separated the first time....I guess since I was always there and she turn to me for everything cause her dad was always gone...she is ok with things now we talk and I ask her how she feels. We are doing ok, the baby will adjust.

Now he’s paying attention to the kids, but that will be one him if the 9yr old give up on him…she say what’s on her mind. I don’t feel nothing for him at this point!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 1:01pm
There are alot of things he needs work on and he knows this. I try to help him see things without being controlling because relationships arent the same as being single. This being his past only comes up when were out together with our friends, like anight on the town. To me, that is our time to be together not reminise the past PROBLEMS. If this is something he injoys talking about, do it not around me. But when were together, lets try and discuss things that pertain to the here and now, not the past. But when i do bring up the subject of his past, thats when i get the come back defense mode of, you do it too. I accept he has a past as we all do, but there is a time to LET IT GOOOOOO!
To an extent i feel like me being upset about it is stupid, i just get tired of the same old subjects coming up out of the past. I teach my girls as they are now 16 & 18, some things you can agree to disagree on and others there is not putting up with. As we all get upset about things we dont like. What is and is not acceptable.

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