New relationship with no alone time

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002
New relationship with no alone time
12
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 2:13pm

I have been dating this guy for 3 months, i really like him and would like a serious relationship with him but our relationship is moving sooooo slow. He works 60 hrs a week so that alone says we don't get alot of time together. When we can get together one or both of us has our kids from previous marriages. We are never alone. NEVER. I would really like a physical relationship with him but we have only snecked a few kisses when the kids aren't looking. I don't know what the best thing to do is. Would like just some advice. thank you.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 3:11pm

Is his 60-hour-per-week schedule temporary or permanent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 5:46pm

His job is permeant he will probably start working alittle less hours soon. I really think he is a keeper. Would really like some advice besides getting rid of him

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 5:56pm

I think you have to look at this realistically.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 6:10pm

he will probably start working just 40 hrs. he has his daughter eo weekend and that is the weekend i don't have my son. so when i don't have my son, he has his daughter plus his niece lives with him part time, so she is there alot of times. i don't want to ask him to get a babysitter when he has his daughter b/c he doesn't get to see her very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 11:43am

Could one of you ask the ex to switch weekends so that you are both kid free on the same weekend?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 12-30-2011 - 1:19am
A belated welcome to the board, Amanda0147, sorry for taking so long to get here, somehow I missed your post yesterday. Your situation may be different than it seems, but as it's been explained so far, I agree with Geo. You say he'll "probably" start working "a little less hours". that sounds pretty vague and it sounds pretty temporary. You say he's a keeper.... He's only a a keeper if you're happy with the way things are...and you're not. A guy who works 60 hours a week, has children and no time for a relationship (no time for the kind of time REQUIRED to determine if a relationship between you is right) is not a great choice for a partner. Moving forward with someone like that means you'll be alone managing all your children while he continues to work. Alone time together won't magically appear, it's going to continue to be non-existant. It's important to look at the sitation as it truly is in determining if it's right for you, reality is all that's reasonable to consider.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 12-30-2011 - 9:01am

In order to be in a relationship I would think that you need alone time with that person to find out if you want to continue the relationship. I mean that is what dating is for right?
If I met someone and he had limited time for me a bunch of red flags would come up. I would be thinking why is he wanting to date someone if he has no free time? Why is he not wanting to fit me in when he can and why is he looking for someone to begin with if his time is limited?? Maybe he has something to hide and I cant find out if I cant see him on a regular basis..I cant get to know him like I would want as to not waste time on someone who isnt good for me..

sounds like way too much work to do on someone who cant spare a few hours in a week for someone..

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 2:34am

I know you haven't received what you wanted on this board, you asked a few times for ideas on staying together, not suggestions about breaking up.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 7:37pm

You're going to have to step up and tell him that atleast once a week have the kids stay with the family or a babysitter. I know its hard (I also have a son and is hard to get alone time), so you two can have alone time. So when you two do have your kids when you two meet up its all worth it. You can also do something fun with the kids and you two to past the time with the kids and you guys can be with each other.

www.findingfreedomteam.com/ KLittle
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 2:51am
Kids shouldn't meet his kids or the guy in your life until things are more solid and sure. Otherwise they run great risk of becoming involved and attached to the boyfriend and his kids. If the relationship ends, they are left having those they've come to care about, trust and care about ripped from their lives. it's traumatic, makes them feel powerless. It's much like the death of a loved one; these people are taken from their lives never to be seen again. Having this happen multiple times and you have damaged their ability to attach to others. Therapists recommend kids and boyfriends not be introduced until as long term relationship is sure thing. It's a hassle to keep your kids and your love interests separate for the year it takes to really know the guy, but much better than watching their pain and seeing their ability to trust and attach be affected.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

Pages