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| Sun, 01-01-2006 - 11:01am |
Hi, I am in a rough spot and dont know what to do. I have been married for 4 years (in Feb) we have a 4 month old son, and i am just very unhappy with my marriage. I guess i have been since day one....but there were so many obsticals to overcome to get married that i didnt want to back out and prove everyone right.
so now here i am. My DH is a really good person he just doesnt understand what it is to be married. I feel like he has the best of both worlds while my world has become catered towards his. I tried to talk to him about this and he freaked out and said "i would never bring a baby into the world feeling the way you do" this made me feel like cr*p. and he's right i guess. I love my son more than anything....i just feel so trapped. I know i am not being very specific. I just wanted to kinda introduce myself.
Michelle
so now here i am. My DH is a really good person he just doesnt understand what it is to be married. I feel like he has the best of both worlds while my world has become catered towards his. I tried to talk to him about this and he freaked out and said "i would never bring a baby into the world feeling the way you do" this made me feel like cr*p. and he's right i guess. I love my son more than anything....i just feel so trapped. I know i am not being very specific. I just wanted to kinda introduce myself.
Michelle



Welcome to the board, Family.of.3 ~
I'm sorry you're having problems, especially sorry that you've had misgivings since the beginning. It sounds like you know we'll be asking for more specifics in order to really feel like we can offer you much. It sounds like some of the things that can be assumed is that your husband acts as though he's still single (irresponsible, I mean, I hope he's not acting inappropriately with women) while you shoulder the majority of the responsibility with home and child. I also assume that when you talked to him your talk was more about the misgivings you've had about your marriage since the beginning rather than about his taking responsibility for his share now. Am I right? If that's true, his statement about never bringing a child into this was intended to do exactly what it did -- focus the attention and blame on you and keep it away from his accepting any part in the problem. And, if he makes you feel like crap in the process, it's likely you're not going to bring it up again, so it's a double win for him. Clearly, if he were wanting to work on problems, or was concerned about your feelings, he'd have wanted to address the problem, learn more and take an active role in resolving them. It's also entirely possible that his reaction was out of defense, feeling blamed, etc. It could be that his initial reaction won't last. But, we'll need more info from you to know that.
I'm sorry you feel trapped. I've been there, it's not a good way to feel for sure. Know that it is not as dark as it seems, that at its worst, this might not end up like you'd like it to, but you're not trapped, and happiness is absolutely within your reach and your power, you just may have to adapt what your ideal end result is.
I hope we hear from you again soon.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi Michelle,
If CL is right and you mean that your DH is still acting single, I can understand some of that. My DH would get upset when he couldn't get his M&B time (mindless and brainless) when we were first married. He didn't get that he COULDN'T have 3 hours a night to unwind and do what he wanted when we had a baby.
I'm not sure what all your DH is doing but I'm sorry he didn't listen to you when you brought up your concerns. It's hard to be where you are and to feel like you aren't being heard and understood. But then again, WHY would your DH want things to change? He's probably got the best deal right now and changing would mean that he would lose some of it.
(((Hugs)))
Jen