No Sex Life & Boyfriend posting ads on Craigslist

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2012
No Sex Life & Boyfriend posting ads on Craigslist
12
Fri, 07-19-2013 - 9:49pm

Since January my boyfriend and I have not had sex, I've tried to initate to no avail.  We are living together and will have been together a year in Aug.  He says the reason he doesn't want to have sex is because he's unhappy with how he looks (he's always been big, but apparently has gained some weight, I can't tell.)  Tonight I went into his office to print some things I needed and when I went to Gmail, it automatically pulled up his account.  I'll admit it, I snooped (I've previously caught him watching porn in there, but that doesn't really bother me.)  What I found was that he has been posting ads in the casual enouter portion of craigslist.  He has had women respond, and he's responded to them.  I didn't see any evidence that he met with someone, but he's has disappeared in the afternoons for hours, and he does get up much earlier than me (this morning without me asking he provided a long explaniation of what he did while waiting for a parking spot to open (they are paving 1/2 our complex this morning.)  Now after seeing the ads, reading the emails, I am suspious that he is and has been cheating on me.  It's weird because we've always said we both would rather end the relationship than cheat.  He is 18 years older than me, and we've had a lot of stress in our lives lately because I've been out of work but I am searching, just with no luck.  I honestly don't know what to do, do I confront him and admit I snooped, or do I let it go and keep trying to reactivate our sex life?  It's also a tough position because I have no money and no where else to live.  I honestly love him, and when we do go out we have fun together, we are also trying to exercise together.  This is my first real relationship so I'm still a newbie at this.  He does otherwise treat me like a princess, he cooks for me, makes sure I have my vitamins, spend time with me (mostly when we go out, not so much at home.)  (Side note, he works from home and is addicted to his work and also a game he plays online.)  Any advice would be appreciated.

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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  I came upon this late and am amused.  This is very common!  Men like women do have body issues.  Given that he works from home that meant he is in an occupation that gives him that freedom.  When i read that he he checks to see if you take your vitamins that may mean you may have a friend there, but not a husband.   Which is all right.  At this point in your life that is what you need.  All the other stuff will happen when you have reclaimed your life.  Relax,get your head on straight get a job save up money and go your own way as friends. Who knows what the future will bring.  But in the right now you are in no financial or emotional state to be making any jumps.  In all perhaps he too realizes you are not at a place where a romance is plausible.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2013

I am going thru such a similar experience. I can tell you that if he's not cheating....he is at least giving it his best shot. I'm so sorry. Your story is the same as mine...almost verbatum. Don't waste anymore of your youth on him. Never make someone else a priority, who only makes you an option. You and I both deserve better.

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