"not in love"

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Registered: 02-21-2012
"not in love"
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:40pm

Hello everyone. I would like to ask to get some opinions on the situation I am dealing with and I truly appreciate all of your advice.

Avatar for ukgirl82
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Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 4:17pm
It sounds like what he's proposing (living apart and starting all over) is just a massive step backwards in my opinion. Like a relationship in reverse.

I don't know why he is sending you such mixed signals - why he says he's no longer in love with you and wants to live separately but then says he still wants to try to make it work. My only thought is that maybe he couldn't deal with the guilt if he was the one to break it off for good - especially after he's already hurt you so much. But hanging onto a relationship when there is essentially no relationship left is only going to make things worse.

From what I can tell, he has cheated on you THREE TIMES. I truly believe in the saying "Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me." The saying doesn't even extend to the third time because you should have walked away after he blew his second chance. He has developed a pattern and I see no reason why it won't continue. I guarantee that he'll be seeing other women, especially now that he has the freedom of his own place. You say you just want to be with the man you fell in love with but it's pretty clear he is no longer that man. It seems to me that he has already emotionally moved on, he just doesn't have the guts to officially end it. Sadly, you're going to have to be the strong one and tell him it's over.
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Registered: 02-21-2012
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 4:22pm

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Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 9:34am


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 6:28pm
Thank u!!!! I hope that I find myself in this because unfortunately I realized I definitely lost myself along the way.
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Registered: 08-03-2003
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 2:49am
undercovercrab wrote:

If neither of you can make a decision, then you're going to be stuck where you are until either of you is strong enough to do it

OR you're stuck until one of your DH's new "friends" actually pans out into something more (i.e. sexual) for him.

This whole scenario just smacks of him setting up his life such that he has the freedom to cultivate new lady-friends...yet keep you strung along as his fallback, in case none of his new prospects pan out.

I know that's harsh-sounding, but surprisingly common. No doubt it's a crappy position to be in! My first love (4+ years with college boyfriend) ended this way; another guy friend for whom I carried a torch for YEARS ultimately treated me this way.

Tell your soon-to-be-ex, firmly, that you are DONE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 1:51pm
To rekindle the ' in love' feeling, face to face is needed.If that isnt there , nothing is possible.
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Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 9:45pm

I totally agree with Crab.

~ cl-2nd_life