Not sleeping in the same bed anymore- please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2011
Not sleeping in the same bed anymore- please help
23
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 1:24am

So I have lived with my boyfriend of two years for about 6 months now, and things have lately taken a turn for the worse. We've been trying to compromise on spending time with each of our families and reserving special time for each other but one thing has really not been resolved yet. I am 5'6" and 135 pounds and basically in average shape, but when I had first moved in with him, I was at least 15 pounds skinnier and was a gym-aholic. Due to getting a promotion at work and changing my daily routine, I gained some weight and stopped going to the gym. Lately, he's been saying things like "you're not that fat" and "maybe you should go back to the gym" but tonight, things really got ugly. I was trying to be playful when we got back to dinner and put him in the mood, and his reply (with a grin on his face) was this- "We can have sex when you go to the gym." I freaked out and spent another night in our spare bedroom, which would be the second night in a row.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 1:13am
Just curious Glenn, what weight range does your girlfriend demand of you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 10:51am

<< I am 5'6" and 135 pounds >>

Just for the record, that was my gf's exact height and weight when we became exclusive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 10:34am

It was a little more complicated than that but for argument's sake let's say yes, she left be because my income dropped by about 70% from what it was when we married.

However, had she informed me ahead of time that such a drop would have affected her the way it did, I would not have become exclusive with her in the first place, much less marry her. Instead, she went out of her way to inform me that money was not a priority with her and as long as her able bodied

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:50am

Didn't your ex-wife get upset with you when your income dropped?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 1:49am

Glenn, I really do believe you think what you're saying is perfectly acceptable and logical.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:35pm

I'm really surprised that this doesn't make sense to everyone so

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:18pm

I didn't expect you would have changed.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:45pm

Wow, how many assumptions can a person fit into one post? LOL

I had the same weight talk and policy with my wife of 24 years (2 yrs. younger btw) and I'll have the same talk with any woman in my future regardless of her age. What is the

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 11:47pm
Of course you don't, Glen. You're the 40-something with the little 20-year old girlfriend. These are exactly the guy we warn girls about and these are also the kind for guys who have weight standards for their little girls. I've heard it before, age appropriate women are jaded, bitter, etc. That's not the case. Women that are age appropriate are realistic and expect to be treated like equal adults, they won't put up with controlling crap and they don't confuse the men in their lives for daddy, who is an authority figure. I can understand why men like this think age appropriate women are negative, angry, bitter; it's because they see men like this for the low-life's that they are, users and controllers. Little girls don't have the life experience to know what a healthy, equal relationship looks like, age appropriate women do.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 1:47pm

Did he he have the 'weight talk' with you prior to becoming exclusive?

My gf was on the skinny side for her height when we had the talk and I let her know that I had a 15 lb range in order to remain fully attracted to her and yes, this was very, very important to me. Since, she had gained exactly 15 lbs (relationships tend to do that to ya) and is holding there. We had another talk when she hit the high end of my preferable range and she well remembered our talk.

All is well but if she were to gain more, my attraction to her physical body would begin to drop. Personally, I don't see a problem with your bf's perspective, only if he failed to communicate it to you early on.

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