Not sleeping in the same bed anymore- please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2011
Not sleeping in the same bed anymore- please help
23
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 1:24am

So I have lived with my boyfriend of two years for about 6 months now, and things have lately taken a turn for the worse. We've been trying to compromise on spending time with each of our families and reserving special time for each other but one thing has really not been resolved yet. I am 5'6" and 135 pounds and basically in average shape, but when I had first moved in with him, I was at least 15 pounds skinnier and was a gym-aholic. Due to getting a promotion at work and changing my daily routine, I gained some weight and stopped going to the gym. Lately, he's been saying things like "you're not that fat" and "maybe you should go back to the gym" but tonight, things really got ugly. I was trying to be playful when we got back to dinner and put him in the mood, and his reply (with a grin on his face) was this- "We can have sex when you go to the gym." I freaked out and spent another night in our spare bedroom, which would be the second night in a row.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2011
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 11:17pm

What your bf said was really hurtful. I hope you let him know it. Give him the silent treatment. He should have slept on the couch for that! You need to tell him that getting a promotion, havin more work to do doesn't give you as much time. You are still probably have a nice body, so don't put yourself down. He needs to realize what he said was very incensitive. I hope that your relationship is not all just physical attraction. If it is, then say goodbye to "shallow hal!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 2:03pm

Your significant other either makes you a better person or they don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 1:16pm
I agree with people who said: he cares more about your looks than your feelings. He is shallow.

Size 4 and 5'6? You're fine. You're beautiful and loving because who you are on the inside!

I'm 5'0 and 90lbs. I do a bit of modeling. And IT MEANS NOTHING!!!! My mom/physician constantly tells me to gain weight. So what if I'm "ideal"?

Then what? I'm "ideal" (notice the QUOTES). Then what? I then want to be admired for my brains and heart. Then I want to be like YOU!!!

I admire you for your job promotion!! I'm proud of you for your job promotion!!!

Yes, I go to the gym. I forget to go sometimes when I get busy with life.

I go because I want to get my heart racing, my thoughts more positive and be mentally/physically healthy.

And YOU SHOULD EXERCISE TO FEEL GOOD. DON'T DO IT OUT OF SHAME. WHY SHOULD YOU BE ASHAMED?!?!

Every woman out there: you're beautiful if you:
1) Love & respect yourself
2) Care for and take care of others
3) Have a motivation to achieve academically/career-wise
4) Exercise to take care of your health
5) Dress well. Wake up making yourself clean, putting your outfit together beautifully. Put on clothes that suit and flatter your body and face.

So I'm beautiful because I am all 5. NOT because what the scale says!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 1:47pm

Did he he have the 'weight talk' with you prior to becoming exclusive?

My gf was on the skinny side for her height when we had the talk and I let her know that I had a 15 lb range in order to remain fully attracted to her and yes, this was very, very important to me. Since, she had gained exactly 15 lbs (relationships tend to do that to ya) and is holding there. We had another talk when she hit the high end of my preferable range and she well remembered our talk.

All is well but if she were to gain more, my attraction to her physical body would begin to drop. Personally, I don't see a problem with your bf's perspective, only if he failed to communicate it to you early on.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 11:47pm
Of course you don't, Glen. You're the 40-something with the little 20-year old girlfriend. These are exactly the guy we warn girls about and these are also the kind for guys who have weight standards for their little girls. I've heard it before, age appropriate women are jaded, bitter, etc. That's not the case. Women that are age appropriate are realistic and expect to be treated like equal adults, they won't put up with controlling crap and they don't confuse the men in their lives for daddy, who is an authority figure. I can understand why men like this think age appropriate women are negative, angry, bitter; it's because they see men like this for the low-life's that they are, users and controllers. Little girls don't have the life experience to know what a healthy, equal relationship looks like, age appropriate women do.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:45pm

Wow, how many assumptions can a person fit into one post? LOL

I had the same weight talk and policy with my wife of 24 years (2 yrs. younger btw) and I'll have the same talk with any woman in my future regardless of her age. What is the

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:18pm

I didn't expect you would have changed.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:35pm

I'm really surprised that this doesn't make sense to everyone so

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 1:49am

Glenn, I really do believe you think what you're saying is perfectly acceptable and logical.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:50am

Didn't your ex-wife get upset with you when your income dropped?