Not sure what I want

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2009
Not sure what I want
7
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 12:39pm

Hi everyone,

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 11:27am

So sex has been a problem for four months before this new guy appeared.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 12:23am

Thanks for replying everyone. Yeah, sex has been as issue for about the last 6 months. I do not feel a certain drive towards him. I ended it with that other guy in hopes of patching things up with my boyfriend. Things between him and me improved slightly (not sex) and I felt better with him. He is very respectful and good to me. He understands me emotionally and connects with me well. I just do not feel very challenged by him and I often feel frustrated. We get along really well, i just don't know if I'm in love with him. I worry that I won't find anyone else who understands me as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 12:22am

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 12:17am
It sounds like you are in quite a pickle. You don't want to leave him because of all his great qualities, but you don't know that he's really right for you.

My concern would be that you aren't attracted to him because you are looking for something a little more dysfunctional (and exciting). But maybe that's wrong. Maybe he really just is not the right match for you. The one thing you have being 23 years old is time on your side. You don't have to decide this one right now. You can keep moping along until a decision becomes clear.

I would caution you that if you are attracted to others you really work on keeping your focus away from that. It's an unhealthy pattern to start. It sets you up to have your cake and eat it too, which never works out. If what you really want is to date others, then do the right thing and let your guy go free first. Leaving him may or may not be a mistake, but it'll never be as big of a mistake as setting yourself up to be a cheater.

Have you considered therapy? Therapy can be a really healthy way to sort out this conflict, figure out what it's really about, and come to a resolution about what to do that is both healthy and right for you.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:15am

Hey Franny_zooey, how about giving us an update?

Last time you posted there was another guy you were interested in and it was unclear as to whether the problem in your relationship was due to this attraction, your intense program or something else.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 11:41pm

Welcome back, Franny_zooey ~

In order to give those who will respond to your post as much information as there is


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 3:03pm

Sex is an essential part of my life.