Obligated to ex who treated him like crap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2011
Obligated to ex who treated him like crap?
Fri, 04-29-2011 - 9:28pm
Hi all,
guess I'm venting here more than anything else. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and living with each other. I have a six year old from a previous relationship and he has a four year old from a previous relationship.
Both of us had very rocky relationships with our ex's. His ex very sneaky and manipulative and he has admitted that about her a number of times. He had to fight her for a year for rights to his son when she cheated on him and left him. per his testimony she basically put him through hell.
Recently she's been calling him on a number of occasions and telling him about her current marital problems! She knows that's him and I are together in very happy. I believe that she tries to call him because she knows a nice person and knows how badly she treated him it's but I don't know what her intentions are trying to Buddy up to him.
He's very honest with me about their conversations....and I can trust him, it's her I can't trust. How do I go about telling him that it makes me uncomfortable and that I'd prefer that he not allow her to get too up close and personal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2011
Fri, 04-29-2011 - 9:30pm
Sorry it's such a choppy message, it was sent from my smart phone lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-30-2011 - 12:19am

Honestly you just need to tell him your not comfortable" with the amount of talking their doing lately". She should not be calling him and confiding in him about her marital problems, and he should not be lending a sympathetic ear or comforting her. This is just the kind of thing that starts affairs up. So I would

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-30-2011 - 8:46pm

I do think you have to bring this up--say you have no doubts about him being unfaithful to you, but this is an area where he shouldn't be listening to her marriage problems--she should be telling her girlfriends or a therapist.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 2:21am

A belated welcome to the board, Ruth631 ~

I agree that you should talk to him about this.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 8:17pm

I agree that it's not appropriate for him to be talking with her about her marital problems, and that is mostly because it makes you uncomfortable. He's not obligated to his Ex outside of what is relevant in regards to his child...He definitely shouldn't allow himself to be manipulated by her in order to keep things cool for his child.

Tell him how you feel, that it's not appropriate for him to be talking to her about anything other than their child. I'm sure he can figure out how to do this, especially if he respects your relationship with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 1:14am

That's a tricky one. It is very good to let him know how you are feeling but also good to avoid making it a hill you want to die on unless you really do think it's that important.

The first issue is his sense of obligation, or his ability to be nice to an ex who treated him like crap.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink