online dating websites--innocent or not?
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| Mon, 07-17-2006 - 5:37pm |
So I met my boyfriend online when I first moved to a new state. I had never done the online dating thing, but my roommate cohearsed me into it. I have to admit it was kind of fun, but I did not think that anything serious would come of it. After awhile, my current boyfriend sent me an email and we began talking. We talked for about two months and finally met up for dinner, and then spent the next night hanging out as well. I went home for the holidays and we talked for hours each day of the two weeks I was home.
When I returned he and I began our relationship during a very trying time for him. His grandmother died and he was stressed out about work and life in general. This said, things with us were very good.
In early May out of the blue he called on Friday evening and said he wanted to talk. That he thought something was missing. We talked and he made the decision we would just be friends. I was mortified. Not only because I cared for him so much, but also because he really did not give any plausible reason for the breakup. He said he thought he was not "giving me what I needed." I left after crying for some time and went home. I spent the next day with friends and to my surprise he left a message that night on my phone. I called back and he said that he had "overreacted," that he wanted to be with me. What is this all about I thought?
Anyways, I recently moved closer to him, and we spend almost all our time together other than when we are at work. Unfortunately, I recently found out that he signs on to black planet daily conversing with people. He doesn't know I know he does this. Could this be completely innocent or should I be worried? Things seem to be really good. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship than why is he not just ending it? For what reason is he hanging on if he is "still looking" if that's what he's doing?
Deep in my heart I do not feel that he has or would cheat on me, but it still makes me sick to think he is on a dating website, in which he has a profile and it says that he is single (he is off the one we met on). What do I do? Am I wrong to stay with him if everything else is ok?

Blackplanet may have articles, but what you said is that he's conversing with people there daily. It seems like you've thrown out the question and concern as to what's going on, but are defending suggestions that his actions may be less than good. The fact is, it's not a good situation and most likely his actions aren't innocent, but I think you really know that, don't you? Do you have an agreement to see only each other?
You met him on a dating site, so you know he's used them before. That means it's entirely possible that he uses the sites to scope out girls. He attempted a break up with you, then backed off. There has to be something behind his coming out of the blue with that; you don't just decide to break up with someone without there being some problems or reasons behind it and "overreacting" doesn't make sense. He may not be ending your relationship because he wants to keep a girl on the hook until he has something better lined up. It would be far from the first time that's happened. I'm sure you're not at all happy with what I've suggested is possible, but it all adds up.
What you know for a fact is this:
Your choices are to continue to avoid the issue and wonder what's happening or you can confront the issue with him. Whatever you do, I'd suggest, keeping your common sense and rational thinking fully engaged at all times. It may be tempting to try to convince yourself it's all innocent, but if it's not, pretending it is won't change reality.
Why haven't you asked him about it?
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Honey, read the title to your post "online dating sites".
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***