paying

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
paying
19
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:13pm
Hi. I need some help. I have been on and off with my boyfriend for like 5-6 months..The problem is..he like never pays for me. In the beginning it was okay bc we would split or hed grab the tab once in a while. Now that we r official...and we r having sex for a while now..I dont understand. We got 2 slurpees today..and its like a buck something each..and like he went to pay first akwardly and he only said one..and then the guy behind the counter said oh r u together. hes like Oh I guess. it was like 2.56 and my BF asked if I had change. I said no so hes like oh i guess ill use another dollar. I know hes not broke. he always suggests fancy dinners he has nice clothes..and i saw where he lives..besides the fact that its a dollar. Im his first GF but come on what an idiot. So today for dinner we went to a casual strip..and we deicded to get 2 appetizers. We decided on a soup and i didnt say anything so he paid the 5 bucks for it and he said after, "Oh ull pay for the second part of dinner right?" im like oh ok..it was 6 bucks. The other day we went to a comedy club. He had class so he asked me to get the 37 dollar tickets combined on my credit card and I said ok. He said hed pay me back but he never said anything after that about paying me actually back. At the comedy club we had to order food and drinks bc they make u. It was 20 bucks and like the check came and he did nothing. After 10 mins im like why dont u pay for this and u dont have to pay me back or the tickets. I felt like he was like epxecting ME to pay..like im the girl..hes my boyfriend. Everytime he makes me pay for my part or doesnt take initiative like "I got it"" I feel cheap..I feel sad and depressed like I shouldnt be happy. I get distant and cold towards him and dont wanna hold his hand. I get upset and angry. I dont feel like I can bring this up w him w o it being akward. He paid for vday dinner but come on. like every SLURPEE..he makes no initiative to pay.. even a dollar. i hate this. I usually dont mind splitting stuff but EVERYTHINg and he puts it in my court its so akward. I dont even know if i wanna go out w him tonight to a party bc im so annoyed at his behavior today..i dont like going to dinneer or whatever w him bc the money and paying issue bothers me..help i like him but this bothers me so much . i cannot tell him..how can i hint it or make him realize?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 12:14am
How about you lead by example? Treat him to a couple of meals or other outings.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 11:31pm

I think you've already been hinting and it's not working. You told him you didn't have the money for the slurpee and he decided he could pull out another buck. The guy behind the counter also suggested that he should be paying by asking "aren't you guys together?", when your boyfriend said he was paying for one. If you want this problem resolved you're going to have to talk to him about it.


What I'm wondering about is why you're sleeping with a guy that you can't have a simple conversation with about an issue that bothers you, about something that you have a feeling and an opinion about. Honestly, if you can't talk to him about what you think and what you feel, it doesn't sound like you're close enough with him to be sleeping with him. The other thing that stood out as a big red flag to me is that you said that you've "seen his house". Maybe I read that wrong (and please tell me if I did), but it sounds like you haven't been to his house or at least that it's not a place you've been to more than once -- as though it's off limits, that he doesn't invite you there or that you've been made to feel showing up at his place isn't okay. Is that the case or did I misread that? If that's the case, again I'm going to wonder about the actual state of your relationship. Let me know, okay?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 1:00am
I meant we r 19 and 20 and in college and i visited him to his home in his home town
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:02am

Ah, gotcha. Good, I had visions of you having to avoid his house, like you're not welcome there. I'm glad that's not the case. But you still should be able to talk to someone if your relationship is close enough that you're being intimate. Emotional intimacy and being able to share thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. should come before the sex. If you can sleep with him you sure as heck should be able to talk to him!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 9:16am
I told him. hes like i didnt ealize sorry
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 9:54am
What about how he feels?








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:11am

It looks like you've talked to him, and hopefully you've

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 9:25am
Hello. That was some great advice. When we first started going out..we hooked up a few times and then we decided on a first real date to the movies and he didn't offer to pay at all. errr.So we split it. The thing is, he has money, Ihave money. he brags a lot which i hate but hes toned down a bit. he has nice cllothes, his fam has a porche but I know his dad got fired recently but he still always suggests fancy places. Like we r going to NY this weekend, that costs money to get there and he said he wants to c a broadway show and go to the finest places to eat..um ok..when do i have to pay? he clearly has enough money..its so akward now that we have talked about this..and cabs..who pays for that and when do i offer tp pay now? Like..we get off at a bus in NY and we need a cab to his family place which we only will be there..who pays for it..and dinner who pays.now im just gonna be confused and akward.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:34am

Why is it awkward now that you've talked to him??? Wasn't that the point of the talk, to NOT make it awkward? Did he say he would pay when he invites you, or what?

Re this weekend, I would let him know what you can afford and ask him if he's ok with paying for the rest.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 11:21am
Hi. He said he'd be more aware of it and hes sorry and he hopes i didnt tell my friends i thought he was cheao. he said that in the beginning when we were hooking up and not a couple i didnt mind paying for some of my things and its true..but now that we r a couple..its diff. he should try and romance me and show his kindness. I mean it might be akward bc like now does he feel askward bc he has to pay. like when we get off the bus to NY and take a cab to his apartment should I pay half? Bc hes always just gonna sit there in silence and lke not know when he expects me to pay. Now when do i offer.. im so confused and its gonna be akward now i can tell. hes gonna make a comment

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