paying
Find a Conversation
paying
| Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:13pm |
Hi. I need some help. I have been on and off with my boyfriend for like 5-6 months..The problem is..he like never pays for me. In the beginning it was okay bc we would split or hed grab the tab once in a while. Now that we r official...and we r having sex for a while now..I dont understand. We got 2 slurpees today..and its like a buck something each..and like he went to pay first akwardly and he only said one..and then the guy behind the counter said oh r u together. hes like Oh I guess. it was like 2.56 and my BF asked if I had change. I said no so hes like oh i guess ill use another dollar. I know hes not broke. he always suggests fancy dinners he has nice clothes..and i saw where he lives..besides the fact that its a dollar. Im his first GF but come on what an idiot. So today for dinner we went to a casual strip..and we deicded to get 2 appetizers. We decided on a soup and i didnt say anything so he paid the 5 bucks for it and he said after, "Oh ull pay for the second part of dinner right?" im like oh ok..it was 6 bucks. The other day we went to a comedy club. He had class so he asked me to get the 37 dollar tickets combined on my credit card and I said ok. He said hed pay me back but he never said anything after that about paying me actually back. At the comedy club we had to order food and drinks bc they make u. It was 20 bucks and like the check came and he did nothing. After 10 mins im like why dont u pay for this and u dont have to pay me back or the tickets. I felt like he was like epxecting ME to pay..like im the girl..hes my boyfriend. Everytime he makes me pay for my part or doesnt take initiative like "I got it"" I feel cheap..I feel sad and depressed like I shouldnt be happy. I get distant and cold towards him and dont wanna hold his hand. I get upset and angry. I dont feel like I can bring this up w him w o it being akward. He paid for vday dinner but come on. like every SLURPEE..he makes no initiative to pay.. even a dollar. i hate this. I usually dont mind splitting stuff but EVERYTHINg and he puts it in my court its so akward. I dont even know if i wanna go out w him tonight to a party bc im so annoyed at his behavior today..i dont like going to dinneer or whatever w him bc the money and paying issue bothers me..help i like him but this bothers me so much . i cannot tell him..how can i hint it or make him realize?

Pages
I think you've already been hinting and it's not working. You told him you didn't have the money for the slurpee and he decided he could pull out another buck. The guy behind the counter also suggested that he should be paying by asking "aren't you guys together?", when your boyfriend said he was paying for one. If you want this problem resolved you're going to have to talk to him about it.
What I'm wondering about is why you're sleeping with a guy that you can't have a simple conversation with about an issue that bothers you, about something that you have a feeling and an opinion about. Honestly, if you can't talk to him about what you think and what you feel, it doesn't sound like you're close enough with him to be sleeping with him. The other thing that stood out as a big red flag to me is that you said that you've "seen his house". Maybe I read that wrong (and please tell me if I did), but it sounds like you haven't been to his house or at least that it's not a place you've been to more than once -- as though it's off limits, that he doesn't invite you there or that you've been made to feel showing up at his place isn't okay. Is that the case or did I misread that? If that's the case, again I'm going to wonder about the actual state of your relationship. Let me know, okay?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Ah, gotcha. Good, I had visions of you having to avoid his house, like you're not welcome there. I'm glad that's not the case. But you still should be able to talk to someone if your relationship is close enough that you're being intimate. Emotional intimacy and being able to share thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. should come before the sex. If you can sleep with him you sure as heck should be able to talk to him!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
It looks like you've talked to him, and hopefully you've
Why is it awkward now that you've talked to him??? Wasn't that the point of the talk, to NOT make it awkward? Did he say he would pay when he invites you, or what?
Re this weekend, I would let him know what you can afford and ask him if he's ok with paying for the rest.
Sheri
Pages