paying2

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
paying2
5
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 10:58pm

So as u know, I have spoken to my boyfriend. We are both 20. I told him i like to be treated more and felt like he should pay a bit more for me bc he doesnt....he likes to split and we have been going out 6 months and feel like as my boyfriend he should wanna pay for me sometimes and not wanna split every cent.

So iI just got back from NY for the weekend. so we just split a cab from the bus station. ugh..it was like 45 w tip so i take out like 22 and hes like do u have a 20 bc he said he had only higher bills im like NO and hes like
o i found one. its like he wanted me to pay. anyway. So this is how the NY weekend went. Friday. We took 3
trains to the bus and rode the bus for 4 hrs. took a cab to his place and it
was 9 bucks. hes like lets split it. i take out a 5 and hes like u have a 10
bc i dont have change. im like oh ok. I take out a 10 and hes like ill pay u
back. he suggests dinner. we arrived at like 9 and he suggests a fancy place
downtown and im like no bc i dont wanna take a cab and deal w that so i
suggest somewhere aroud the area so we can walk and not worry about splitting the cab the dinner..... it was good. he paid the 60 bucks but it
was mostly his and his dessert. he knew he had to pay since this the
was the first time we have gone out since the talk where i told him he should prob treat me more and i expected that. After its like 11 and we r
tired so he has to watch basketball. I watch for an hr with him bc im nice
and then we watch scream and sleep. I wake up at 6 am bc construction
outside his building. we go to like Soho area We split one thing for lunch and he pay
and then we decided to share another cheap thing and he like makes eyes like
i should so i pay. so i do. Everything down the middle as usual. Then we were
gonna c a movie but i decided not to bc i didnt feel like it being akward w
who has to pay what so i said we should a movie at his house. On
the way I get a coffee and pay for it.He never offers even if i say ill pay
he never stops me or treats me. Then we watched the movie. We decide to get
tickets for a broadway show and he wants to on sunday. I wantd the cheap 40
dollar seats but he was like lets get the 110 dollar ones. Im like ok. ill
save my money w other things then bc its NY and vacation. He pays using his
dads credit card which he has no max haha and hes like pay me back. So I'm
smart and pay at dinner so i dont have to pay much more at dinner. The bill
for the broadway show is 112 each bc i saw and then he tells me its 120..and
he obviously lied to me. So we take a cab to dinner, a nice french bistro.
I owe him 120 for the broadway ticket so I have to pay for the cab on the way to dinner. It;s 13
but he keeps the 20 We have dinner. We decide to have a little wine w dinner
and he orders the HALF BOTTLE hahaha i thought it was funny and hes like
people do it all the time..its trendy. The bill comes. He ate dessert i
didnt. The bill i is 118 or something. I give him the 100 dollar i owe him
for the broadway. Hes like oh.. for tip, can u give 20 bucks more and ill put
down 20 too. im like okay. I dont say anythng on the cab ride back and make
him pay bc i dont offer.so we pay and i dont even wanna go anywhere else
after bc i dont want more money and akwardness. He wanted to watch the
sopranos and it was so boring and he knew i hated it but hwe watched and then
some boring show called Big Love which i got up in the middle to text bc i
was so bored but hey. i dont count right. So the next day i wake up and
shower and do my hair and pack. We go for lunch and we each order our own
thing at city something cafe like a pick up place like Dean and delucas or
something. So my order is ready first but i pretend to not notice so maybe he would pick up the cheap tab.then my boyfrend is
like yo ur order is ready u should go to the counter. so i do and pay for
mine...again..whatever..its lunch and he pays for his. we decide to share a
brownie for dessert and he rips off a small bite for me and eats the rest but
im on the phone and hes like woops i forgot to split it.. As we walk he is
very cocky. Like. I ask questions or say something and he either doesnt
answer back or answer back till much later or he like cuts me off. He always
acts like he is right and it amkes me feel dumb. We take a cab to the
show on broadway and he says u mind paying for this one since i got the last
one. im like fine. So we have our bags to check in bc he called b4 to find
out if we could keep our bags at the show. They make us pay 2 bucks to store
em. He takes out 1 dollar and asks me if I have a dollar bc he doesnt. Im
like fine. After this, I was cold and distant to him the whole day.
he knew something was wrong but figured i was just tired. We left the show and he messed up the bus times
and i kinda ignored him the 4 hr bus ride back. he messed up the train times
too bc he is so perfect and we had to wiat over 2 hrs so im like no. lets
just take a cab back to school I told u, it was 45 and i take out a 20 and he
is like u have a 20 bc i dont have chnage. and i said NO. and i said bye and
i walked to my room. hes asked me 4 times if i had fun in NY and i say yep. I
was just so annoyed. I told him how i fwlt before about his actions and plus
this is common knowledge about boyfriend situations. he should know this. he should know what to do. even if i am his first girlfriend. like he should wanna treat me like one....and
i told him so wtf is his deal..it makes every action akward and stops me from
wanting to c a freakin movie or get a coffee or go out to eat On the plus I
feel comfortable around him and we get along. Am i just searching too deep
into this bc he makes me feel cheap and stupid a lot of the times. I think he
is cheap. I should be like how about u go to a nice ddinner ALONE and dont
worry about it then. I suggested we dont do broadway or go to eat fancy and
he was like I wanna. i did this so maybe if he had money issues. but he
pushed for it. I feel like sometimes we are not even a couple bc he doesnt
treat me like one in the day usually. Like, I like him sometimes but shouldnt
i get someone who treats me better? I feel like even I would make a better
boyfriend. He tal;ks to me non stop about cars and sports and knows i hate
thta and dont care. I don talk about pedicures or girly shows w him or make
him watch that like he made me. I dont care if it IS his house...He acts so
cocky like he knows everything and tries to prove me wrong and if i get
something right and he doesnt he tries to justify hiomself or he says oh good
call and says that 6 times but u know he feels ashamed. Like what happened. I
like him in school but on vacations..like i feel he doesnt care. like when we
walk in the street when im in boots or regular he crosses the street and
doesnt even see if im next to him. im usually behind him a lot. but what if i
didnt cross the street..he wouldnt notice. I dont feel like i have a man by
my side to protect me kind of. Like if we were lost in the woods he wouldnt
like be supportive. I dont know i canty explain it. Like he wouklnt treat me
like a lady i dont know. Im so confused bc i do like him sometimes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 11:11pm

Welcome back, Tunatartar ~


I've got to head over to my other board, but I wanted to post the link to your previous post to help others who may get to your post sooner:
paying


I'll try to get back to your post tonight, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. If not, I'll be back tomorrow night after work!







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 11:18pm
Thanks. it's part two to what happened. After i spoke to him, this is the trip to Ny. I thought he understoof what i asked..the sex is good..and sometimes i really like being w him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:29pm

I'm guessing you didn't have the conversation with him that I suggested to you (about what you could afford on your NYC trip).

I think you kind of made your bed by avoiding the topic. Obviously the talk you had with him did NOT work...either you weren't specific enough or he's just not willing to pay for you but doesn't want to come right out and TELL you that.

You should have stood your ground on things like the Broadway tickets...why didn't you say something like, "I can only afford the $40 tickets, if you want to get the more expensive ones, fine, but I can only pay you $40 of the cost."???

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 1:01pm

Hey girl, you read all my benefits of the doubt and what not about him before, right?

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:15pm

Well I guess this is the right guy for you if you only want to see him in bed, but if you want someone that you can not only enjoy sex with but also have a compatible relationship with, you're going to have to find somebody else. Sex is only sex. You can have great sex with a real jerk or lousy sex with a great guy. The fact that the sex is good doesn't mean he's a great guy, that you're right for each other or that you should stay with him, it just means the sex is good. What you know about this guy is the sex is good but the rest isn't.


You've told him how you feel, what you expect and how you think things should be. Whether he told you how he feels and what he thinks or not, he's clearly telling you by continuing to do the very same things you told him you don't like, don't agree with and don't think was right. He may not be telling you in words, but his actions are clearly telling you that he his way is different than yours. He's acting like himself, Tunatartar, he's acting as he feels is right to act. You think one way, he thinks quite another, just as strongly. And, from what you said in your post, there's quite a bit more about him that says he's not a good fit for you.


So, your options are to stay with him and happily accept him as he is, cheap, insisting on splitting tabs, charging you more than your fair share, being selfish with what he does and inconsiderate of you and your preferences (because this is who he is and he's not going to change) or you can move on to find someone who's a better fit, more compatible with your thinking, your likes and dislikes, more considerate, etc. I don't know why you wouldn't keep looking honestly, there's no sense at all in staying in a relationship that frustrates and angers you, being with a guy who's actions don't match what you feel is appropriate. Like you said, whether you're his first girlfriend or not, you shouldn't have to tell him anything. And you're right, he wasn't raised in a cave, first girlfriend or not, he's not clueless about the "rules" of relationships. He simply doesn't agree and doesn't follow the standard. You're not right and he's not wrong, you're just different, you have every right to expect what you think is right, there are lots of guys who wouldn't dream of doing what he does, guys who would be much more compatible in the other areas too. There are also girls who wouldn't mind your boyfriend's splitting every penny and wouldn't mind the stories or what he chooses to watch either, but that isn't you. You both deserve someone who's compatible, you don't have that now.










~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"