please help me...!I hurt !

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
please help me...!I hurt !
7
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 10:13am

Help me !I am not well...
I phoned my bf to listen to him and he was at work.As we were talking he started saying:"Baby I love you so much...so much that right now that an incredible chick that is walking in front of me with a great piece of ass ..."And then I heard her telling him to go to hell!!!!!!!I told him to go to hell too and I hang up.He called right away and started saying some excuses that it was a misunderstanding and other bull****.I accused him that he didn't respect me and if he was such a jerk it would be better to tell me right away in order to find a real man and gentleman who is going to respect me!He said that he knew I will call him in about 2 hours as usual to talk and I said there is no way this going to happen.He asked me if we are going out tonight and I told him no and that I prefer to go out with other company.Now he played that he was the victim because he wanted to see me and I didn't and then we hang up.

I felt terrible and I have started trembling.We are together 13months.He didn't respect me AT ALL!!!!!!!!In fact he used me to find a chance to tease her !I am not well...I am crying and I don't know what to do.It really hurt!I started screaming in order to feel a little better but nothing...Please tell me what to do!I am thinking about going later at his work and tell him that if he wants we can still be together but he has no right to tell me not to see other men.I know this is ridiculous...But please HELP ME I want to make him feel exactly as I did because even if he is going to beg me and tell me how sorry he is I want to make him feel once jealous of me , start worrying and feel as bad for himself as I did for myself after this and other times he is telling me about other chicks.Please tell me sth good to do to make him crazy and realise that I am still a beautiful woman and that he must respect, worry about and take care of me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 10:59am

He doesn't respect women. They are there for his enjoyment and entertainment. He already told you that he was a big, disrespectful jerk. If this is the one and only time it had happened, I would say that you could give him another shot. Otherwise..... find someone who won't disrespect you.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:28pm
You were right to call him out on that behavior, which was totally thoughtless on his part. I wouldn't try to make him jealous though if you are interested in resolving this issue and working it out. Escalating it won't help there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 2:29am

Natalia, I'm very concerned about you. In your last post (see in my response below this one) you indicated lots of insecurity, and lots of serious examples of why this guy was sooo not right for you. Here, you're showing again how much he is uncaring, disrespectful and inappropriate in how he treats you and other women and all you want to know is how to make him "crazy and realise that I am still a beautiful woman and that he must respect, worry about and take care of me!"First of all, this isn't about whether the thinks you're beautiful or not, it's about how he thinks of women in general and what he thinks is appropriate and acceptable way to treat women. Think about it, the woman he made the statement to while you were on the phone with him isn't concerned about how he'll think of her and whether he still thinks she's beautiful after she told him to go to hell. She thinks he's a creep, period. Secondly, you can't make him act a way that isn't how he thinks and believes. You might be able to get him to "be good" for a while (if he thought you were going to break up with him, for instance), but as soon as he felt like things were okay between you, he'd be back to acting the same old way. You can't *make* anybody change, and threats, begging, pleading or crying won't make them change either. He is who he is, period. What you can do is make choices and changes for yourself. You can decide whether you want to stay in this relationship, with a man who treats women like pieces of meat (not just you -- all women) and be happy with it just as it is, or you can choose to move on in order to regain some self respect, self worth, self esteem and find a guy who respects women and cares for you as you are.


I will also say that based on your responses in your previous post you have no intention of leaving, unless this incident has changed that? If you're hanging on to your decision to stay, I'll warn you that threatening to leave (as you did on the phone) is a bad thing to do, it creates drama but doesn't resolve anything. It throws out threats, but makes you less credible because you don't follow through with them. And if you've threatened this kind of thing before, he already knows you're not leaving, so you're just making yourself less credible.


Besides the fact that he makes you feel that you're not good enough, why do you stay? What's the good in this relationship? Where do you see it in the future, considering that he's going to continue to be the person he is today?


~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown




Edited 6/12/2006 3:03 am ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 3:07am

Natalia115's previous post can be found here:



need opinions


(Boy, it must have been a long weekend, I totally forgot to post this before my response!)







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 4:03am

>>Please tell me sth good to do to make him crazy and realise that I am still a beautiful woman and that he must respect, worry about and take care of me!<<

I agree with the other posts. First of all, making him crazy will do nothing to help your relationship. However, if you want to be out of the relationship, making him crazy could work in your favour ;-) That is; he may dump you and save you the effort.

Second, there is no way to make him realise that he must respect, worry about you and take care of you. He's either going to do it naturally or he won't.

Lastly, being beautiful has nothing to do with expecting to be treated well. Women who aren't beautiful still deserve to be treated well. Besides, none of us will be beautiful forever....but a good husband will still treat us like a queen even when we're 70 and a mess of wrinkles.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:11am

I spoke to him and told him about respect and how a woman must be treated and how not .He told me that he does respect me and that he didn't say this thing to hurt me or tease her.He said that he hadn't even seen this girl from the front in order to know if he likes her, he just said so to show me that he does not think of other women from the time we are together.

Anyways I told him that this was the first and last time that he did something like that and I believe he won't because I hurt him when I told him that I was on the verge of leaving him.

Thank you all for your support!Sometimes it is safer to ask from advice on the net than from people in your environment that you know they are going to gossip you .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:39pm

Sweetie, your boyfriend's response itself was disrespectful and shows that his thinking and beliefs are inappropriate. Relationships are not about you "forgiving" him because you said something mean too. It's about whether this relationship is right for you based on how he treats you, not based on what he "has to put up with" from you. He decides what he's willing to deal with from you, you decide whether his actions warrant staying or not, what you said or did to him has no bearing in it at all. Your relationship is not a good thing. It's not a healthy place for you to be and will continue to cause you more anxiety, confusion, less confidant and learning how to be in a dysfunctional relationship while teaching you nothing about how to be in a good relationship. I promise you, if you were in a normal, healthy relationship for five minutes you'd be amazed at the difference, would leave and never go back to this jerk and wonder why you stayed so long. I hope with age you learn that rather than getting more and more stuck in this bad situation.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"