Please help - really worried

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Please help - really worried
11
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:47am

Hi Everyone,
I have a problem and I'd really appreciate some advice from you guys. OK here's a little background info - My BF and I have been living together for 3 yrs. I'm 22, he's 24. Before we bought or house we lived in an apartment with a friend of BF's, lets call him Matt. Matt is 25. We were all very good friends. Matt started seeing this girl, lets call her Katie. Katie is also 22. Shortly after, they moved in together and they've now lived together for about 2 yrs. The four of us get together often, and Katie and I are pretty good friends. I don't have too many close friends and neither does she so I'd say we're pretty much each other's best friend.
So on to the problem - Last night I found out that for at least the last 8 months Matt has been going to strip clubs and actually fooling around with the strippers. He gets oral sex from multiple strippers at the same time, they rub their "stuff" in his face and he "eats"....ugghh sorry, I won't go into detail, it grosses me out. At first he was bragging about this to my BF, who told him this is nothing to brag about and told him that it was awful to do this to Katie. My BF wanted to know for sure if he does this so he went one day and saw Matt doing all that stuff, he was absolutely disgusted and was persuading him to leave for like 3 hrs. Matt also told my BF about this girl at work who also gives him oral sex - my BF went and saw this too, he couldn't believe Matt actually had the nerve to do this in front of him. (in case you think my BF is some sicko perv he was just trying to get proof so he had some evidence in case he decided to tell Katie). Another thing Matt did is hire an escort and spend 45 mins in an apartment with her while my BF waited outside in the car furious. So my boyfriend is so disgusted and so worried for Katie. At frist I was a little mad that he waited so long to tell me but I understand because he had to make Matt think he was on his side, and if I knew about this my BF knew I would find it hard to act normal around Matt. He has been trying to think of a plan to make Katie leave him or something. They do fight a lot but they never break up. Katie has no idea about any of this. We are so worried if she finds out she will fall apart. She is very emationally fragile and has no where to live if they break up. We know it's not really our place to tell Katie, but watching him do this to her is so hard. And we have to pretend to still be Matt's friend because Katie would know something was up if we stopped talking to him. And if Matt found out we told her, I swear he'd kill my BF. He knows there's no one else that could have told her - well thats what we think anyway. It's possible he told one of his other friends. We were thinking maybe something annoymous....A letter or something...I dunno. Please does anyone have any comments or advice? It is so hard for me to stand by and let him do this to my friend. Thanks in advance!



 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 2:20am

Yep, it sounds over all right. You did what you felt you needed to do, tell her. She's taken the path that is often taken, not believing the people who told her and cutting off ties with them. You knew that was a possibility and it's certainly her choice. Now you can go forward in your lives, knowing you did what you felt was right to do.


I know you don't like what's been said, but there's a lot about your boyfriend's behavior that's questionable. Good luck ~




~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Understanding the Opposite Sex



Edited 7/19/2005 2:28 am ET ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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