PMS Causing Relationship to go sour??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
PMS Causing Relationship to go sour??
3
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:05pm

Ok...I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years this June. We love each other a whole lot, and have fun together, but there (in my opinion) have been obstacles that have been/are in the process of being overcome. Because he's in graduate school and he is Type A about his studies (as am i), he is super busy and doesn't have much time to spend with me. Also, we talk every few days, not every day. So I'll get depressed when I see/hear couples who are always together, talking on the phone every night, etc. Additionally, there is this girl who is obsessed with him and has told him that she is never giving up on him, that he is for her and she is for him. (he is in class with her)....ridiculous. Anyways, I've talked to my bf about this and he says he has no interest in her and that he is just friends with her in school socially. (mind you, last summer she showed up at a party of his with me being there saying that she is better than me and that he led her on).....So yes, this girl (although my bf "supposedly" isn't interested, is still hanging around hoping we break up...ughhh

All of these issues cause me to get very emotional, especially around the time of my period. When this happens, I will bring up these issues to my boyfriend (most of the time late at night when he is trying to sleep, bc I am the typical woman who can't sleep if things are upsetting her), and he will get mad at me for it. I honestly would not be experiencing these emotions if he acted like more of a boyfriend. I love him so much and really care about him, and I'm afraid I will ruin this relationship by being emotional. If I bring up issues, he will say, "we already discussed this. why are you bringing this up again?" and won't be very nice about it. I just feel so unfortunate that I am in this position with this annoying girl that he finds attractive, that we rarely spend time together, talk on the phone much, etc. I feel like I am an idiot for bringing things up because he's in graduate school and I should understand he's busy, but at the same time we average seeing one another once a week. That is very low for a 1 1/2 year relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:31pm
Sorry, but he must like her attention (and declarations of love/lust whatever) or he would have nothing to do with her after her obvious inappropriate attention.


Carrie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:40pm

No, I don't think PMS is to blame...I think it's just magnifying the existing issues.

You've tried getting him to change/compromise/whatever, and it hasn't worked. After 1.5 years, he is clearly showing you that THIS IS HOW HE IS. Therefore, your choices are: 1, remain frustrated and unhappy with those aspects of your relationship, 2, accept him AS IS, and find a way to be ok with how things are, or 3, end the relationship.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 10:20pm

I pretty much agree with Geo and Sheri. PMS isn't causing this, but I don't think it's magnifying it either; it's being magnified as your upset escalates as situation continues. You know what you think it right, you know what you want, but he's not making the choices or taking the actions that you feel he should be taking; he's not doing what you think he should be doing and he's certainly not doing what you need in order to be satisfied in a relationship. If you could just make him do what you think is right everything would be great, it seems obvious and simple, but he doesn't do it. Frustrating, I know, been there done that. Truth is, as much as you'd like him to do what you want him to do, you can only control what you do, he controls what he does and he doesn't agree with what you think is right. Statements like "we already discussed this. why are you bringing this up again?" pretty much tell you he has not plans to do anything different and he feels the subject is closed. Soooo, you have a choice; you can decide the relationship is not acceptable as it is, is not right for you and decide to move on if it doesn't change, or you can be happy with it as it is, accept it without upset or complaint and continue. The only part of this you can change is you.


It doesn't sound like this relationship is doing much that's good for you. You're doubting yourself, the validity of your wants, needs, feelings and emotions. You aren't satisfied with the relationship on several fronts. Sounds to me like finding a boyfriend who's holds the same wants, needs and standards for a relationship as you do would be a good, positive move for you to make.


Let her have him, it's no loss.







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when you don't get what you want."

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