Princesslaura85 ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Princesslaura85 ~
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 11:05pm

This is in response to your post to Kyleedreamer
(the green-eyed monster )


From your answer there, it sounds like you have more of a reason to be concerned abouth is fidelity than you indicated in your post on the subject in October:
Jealous of nothing


Having a reputation of being a player coupled with lots of platonic female friends and a flirty personality would make feeling unsure/uneasy/concerned understandable.


I think that sites like Myspace (assuming he posts pics on it, etc.) is bound to attract a lot of female responses, isn't that what the reason behind putting your own site up there is? I doubt girls are going to care whether he has a girlfriend or not in responding to him, they're going to be all about "chatting" with a cute guy, girlfriend or no girlfriend. I have to say, if his chatting with girls (known or unknown to him) is something that bothers you but he thinks is fine (if he thinks it's perfectly okay for you to post a site and chat with guys then I'd say you can assume he truly thinks it's perfectly fine) I'd say you two have differing values as to what is appropriate in a relationship and those are the kinds of things that not only are incredibly important to be in agreement on, but they are also beliefs that aren't going to change for either of you. The same thing goes with your uneasiness around his female friends. If he's given you no reason to suspect inappropriate behavior (the initial concern of his previous player status should be proven to be dead and gone by now) and if you have no history of having been cheated on before, or any history that would play into concerns of cheating, then it very likely is simply a difference in values as to what each of you feels is appropriate in dealing with the opposite sex when you're in a relationship. For instance, I have a lot of male friends and as such, there are plenty of guys who do not agree with the kind of interaction and contact I have with these friends. They are entitled to their beliefs and aren't wrong to believe as they do, but in that area they are not compatible with me. Staying in a relationship with guys whose values are different than mine would be a struggle, it would always be an area of disagreement, discomfort and disapproval to one degree or another. These aren't the right guys for me. So, I do think it is very possible to "get over" problems in this area, assuming either he or you have had occurances in the past that cause this to be an issue for you; I think it absolutely can be worked through with therapy/counseling. But if it's a matter of differing values, that's not something you'll "get over" or can work through. In that case, you're uncomfortable and uneasy because what's happening isn't compatible with your ethics.

The methods you're using to deal with your concerns are good ones, it sounds like they're helping you feel better about the situation, and that's good. Is there any history of cheating or cheating-like issues in your past? It's been six months since you posted about this problem and it's still a problem for you, that would indicate a big issue, not something that's passing. I think that indicates it's time for a deeper, more serious look.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown



Edited 3/20/2006 12:06 am ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"