Problem, new relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Problem, new relationship
16
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:27pm

Dating a wonderful new guy, who I am really happy about and excited about.

We finally got to the point of getting physical, and he couldn't maintain an ere*tion. I tried not to let it get to me, thinking maybe he's nervous, etc. But I'm still a little concerned. I wouldn't be if we had been together for awhile--I mean I DO know these things happen. But part of me is thinking this may be a bad sign so early in the game. Am I overreacting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:46pm

jessiesgirl2006,

If I may, I just have a few questions. What is his age and how long have you two been together?? I'll be waiting for your answers and thinking of a response for you.

Defleppardgal

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:48pm

He's 45, and we've been together about a month.

I am hoping that I am overreacting. It didn't seem like this was going to be a problem given certain signs you would get while kissing, etc. Which is why I am thinking it just may be nerves at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:17pm

There are so many reasons that this could happen including "just because." He could be diabetic. He could be taking high blood pressure meds or antidepressants or some other meds. He could have a physical reason that he may or may not know about.

IF it happens again, that would be the time to talk to him. If he hasn't talked to you, he may be embarrassed. IF it happens again, well after it happens, when you aren't in a sexual situation, you may want to approach the subject.

Whatever the reason, it isn't YOU. Women are very likely to blame themselves in this situation. It isn't you! Anyway, all that aside, don't worry about it too much unless it's a pattern.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 2:25pm

jessiesgirl2006,

If it were me I would wait it out a few more times to see if you really do have a problem or not. I'm sorry I can't give you more, I know someone else who will though. Keep your chin up and remember that it's not you. Keep saying that to your self over and over if you have to.

Best of luck,
Defleppardgal

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 2:17am

I agree that I wouldn't worry about it at this point. There are a lot of reason for inability to maintain an erection, medical and psychological. If it continues to be a problem, yes, talking is necessary. He should get a complete medical check up and the doctor should be made aware of the erection problem. If the doc doesn't find anything he'll probably refer him to a urologist to check for erectile dysfunction.


What did your boyfriend say about it?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:26am

Thanks for all of the replies!

The first time he didn't say anything.

I had woken up later that night and woke him up, and same problem. Then he said that because he had been out golfing with his buddies earlier in the day, drinking and smoking cigars he just wasn't feeling well.

Now he hasn't gotten near me since Thursday, although we've been in the same bed every night. :(

I can't sleep and keep waking up at 4 am and just getting up because I hate laying there knowing he's not interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:25am
You should talk to him about it when you're not in a sexual situation. Do you know much about his sexual history? Was he married? Has he been in long term relationships with good sex? I've been married for twenty years, and things are extremely rocky right now. I've been with one woman that whole time and we had great sex most of that time, but the thought of getting divorced and getting 'out there' dating again is very scary. Whether it's psychological or physical you (he) can fix this. If you're really in a committed relationship you should be able to talk about it and he should be open and honest about it. Of course, we don't like asking for directions, so he might need a little help ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 12:36pm

Thanks-

We actually did talk about it yesterday and I think that things are straightened out now. We're both relieved that we discussed it before it became a bigger problem than it really was.

He's been married before yes, and divorced for 12 years. I do think he's a little shy with women, which is actually very endearing. Good men often are a little shy and I get that.

I hope that you ca sort things out with your wife!

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 12:58pm

Glad to hear things have “straightened out” and you’re both “relieved”. Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

Thanks for the kind thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 12:45am

I'm glad things seem to have worked out due to your talk, it is really easy for this kind of issue to start with a one-time problem then snowball into a huge issue because of the anxiety and fear that the concern of it happening again can cause. Has he had this problem before? Are you know having sex as often as you'd like? Let us know if it turns out to not be as resolved as you thought.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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