Problem, new relationship
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Problem, new relationship
| Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:27pm |
Dating a wonderful new guy, who I am really happy about and excited about.
We finally got to the point of getting physical, and he couldn't maintain an ere*tion. I tried not to let it get to me, thinking maybe he's nervous, etc. But I'm still a little concerned. I wouldn't be if we had been together for awhile--I mean I DO know these things happen. But part of me is thinking this may be a bad sign so early in the game. Am I overreacting

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Well, it's not as resolved as I thought as it turns out. (Were you a fly on the wall this morning?LOL)
Last night fine :D, this morning, stuck in second gear. :(
And this morning we did not talk about it, he just hopped in the shower.
Supposed to see him tonight, and I am not sure what to do. I don't want to make things worse, but I don't think avoiding the issue is the right thing either.
He's a great guy and I want to work this out. Obviously things are working just fine some of the time, so it should be resolvable, right? Part of me thinks just take sex off the table for awhile, so it's not a worry, and part of me thinks that then he'll think I'm avoiding it and be upset. I'm not upset, just really confused.
Any suggestions?
jg
Jess, this has happened several times, not just once or twice, right? I have a feeling this is not a new problem for him. If I'm right and this has happened multiple times, I think it's time to talk again, and I think it' time for you to specifically ask him if this has been a problem for him in the past. Obviously, you can't make him, but if it's happening repeatedly, he needs to be checked out, first with a complete physical by his doctor (who needs to be made aware up front of the problem so he knows what to test for) and if it turns up nothing, a urologist. Plenty of problems can cause this, including poor blood supply to the penis and other "mechanical" problems that affect the "hydraulics". If he doesn't want to go, you'll need to decide if you're willing to stay in a relationship where sex is not always going to be an option, and where sex may become non-existent. But, talking's the first step.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
Edited 6/16/2006 12:40 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi CL-
You're right, it's happened several times now. And it may not be a new problem for him. He also just doesn't seem all that interested in sex a lot of the time, and that is going to become a problem for me. It already is, because I am definitely not acting like myself. I'm worried about initiating anything because it may put him on the spot. :( Definitely not like me. And I HATE being in a bed with someone who has more interest in the pillows than in me.
An impaired sex life would be a really big issue for me. It's not like we've been together for years and all of a sudden we have an issue. Instead, we're at the beginning, and it this is the 'crazy' time of lots of sex, Lord are we in trouble. :(
We're going to have to talk about it, and pretty bluntly.
How long have you been together? In your first post you said you'd "finally gotten to the point of being physical", does that indicate that perhaps he was stalling being intimate? If so, I'd say you now know why.
And yes, you can expect that the "wild, crazy" sex you have in the beginning of a relationship is going to be the most sex you can expect to have; if it's not an adequate amount now, you're going to be really disappointed and frustrated when it drops off down the road.
I agree that it's time for a more pointed discussion. During that discussion, I think it would be important for you to ask him "This isn't a new problem for you, is it?" He's not likely to offer it up on his own, but hopefully would be honest in answering. I think next up would be finding out what he plans to do about it, I would think that would be key in deciding whether you continue your relationship or not. But, if this is an old problem, he's not already addressed it medically and he's avoided dealing with it effectively with you, that's a pretty big indicator that he'll avoid dealing with it rather than resolve it.
How long have you been together? In your first post you said you'd "finally gotten to the point of being physical", does that indicate that perhaps he was stalling being intimate? If so, I'd say you now know why.
And yes, you can expect that the "wild, crazy" sex you have in the beginning of a relationship is going to be the most sex you can expect to have; if it's not an adequate amount now, you're going to be really disappointed and frustrated down the road.
Good luck ~ let us know how your talk goes
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Well, tonight the mystery was solved.
We have an ex problem. Still keeps cards of her by the bed, how charming for me.
The problem is in his head, which is still wrapped up on Meghan.
Buh bye.
Ugh. Sorry Jessie. At least you found out sooner rather than later. Nice that you were trying to resolve a problem when you had no idea what the truth really was. Obviously he's still stuck on Meghan, but I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have the same performance problems with Meghan too.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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