Is this a problem? Or is it me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2002
Is this a problem? Or is it me??
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 2:41pm
My bf and i have been together for 10 months. Ia m 19 and he is 21. We have a pretty good relationship and do love each other... but.....

Well my bf is totally different from his so called friends. They are tattooed, pierced, swingers, ..etc. And My bf is mellow, clean cut, respectful..etc. His X gf and his best girl friend are still very tight friends.What i dont understand is why my BF doesnt want to bring me around any of his friends (on that side). I went to a party once with him there and they acted totally nice to my face, and then afterwards went to my BF and said all this BS about me. To me it sounds absolutely immature and i asked my BF why he even wants friends like this. And he says cause they have been there before you and i ever hooked up. Well, my Bf told me that i need to just realize that unless we are married, i will not be around any of those people. Whether it be parties, get togethers, or random stop bys.. he doesnt feel comfortable bringing me around. He told me to not take it personal but he wants that part of his life seperate. He doesnt want to include me because things are ok the way they are now (with his friends). He says that all his girlfriends at some point wanted to be with him and he always denied them. So when they see me, its jealousy. He said he would never ever have any type of sexual relationship with them. And basically they wish they were me. He said of course if i am there, they will be nice to my face, but after wards they will come to him and say all these bad things to him, and he said he doesnt want to deal with it, or hear anything bad. I feel as if he has something to hide, but he says he does not. True- he only visits them a couple times a month... but i dont get it. So in general, if they are having a party and he decides to go-i get no invitation because it will be too weird for him. He said if i cant get over it, then we have a big problem. I told him that i dont know what the hell is going on over there, i mean his best girlfriend has a stripper pole in her house with her husband (she is only 20-21 and he is 27). Now you can see why i get so frustrated that i cant be there. He said i have to trust him, which i do. Buti cant help but not trust the other people. I feel like hes hiding me so people wont know how serious we are. Which he said is a complete lie. He says that because they are swingers at times, the guy is always trying to insinuate a swap. Because he thinks i am attractive. So my BF said that is another reason he wont bring me there, and because we are "higher" than them. We have morals,etc.

If you have any advice for me id appreciate it . its always nice to hear an outsiders view. Thanks!