Problem solving for couples - Resources

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Problem solving for couples - Resources
3
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 8:56pm

Hello,
I feel that me and my boyfriend seriously need counseling if we want to save our relationship, however at this point, we can not affort a therapist, so I was wondering if there are any online resources, articles that we can read that could help up to learn how to communicate better, fight better, etc.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 2:13am

You're working, right? If you are, and if you have medical insurance, it almost certainly covers counseling. Please check several counselors in your area, inquire about their rates, whether they accept payments, and whether they charge on a sliding scale; if you don't have a lot of income, you may not have to pay as much as someone who does. I understand your concern about cost, but do check prices and options before you assume it's too much to pay.


There are online therapists, but I wouldn't recommend them, and they won't be free either. Nor do I know any therapists who would recommend the use of an online therapist. I'm sure there are some resource sites, but I don't know of any that offer much more than a few teasers then require you to pay to get more. There are some good articles on constructive arguing on our Information and Resources section:

Verbal Fencing With Someone You Love
Ten Rules For Fair Fighting
Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
Conflicts - Points to Remember



There are also some communication exercises there, which are exercises a therapist I know has her clients use:

1. Lessons in Communication & Assertion
2. Lessons cont. - Steps to Assertion
3. Lessons cont. - Language of Assertion
4. Lessons cont. - More on Communication

5. Dialogue to Improve Your Marriage .

However, if your boyfriend does not want to discuss issues, these aren't going to help much. You can learn to communicate better with him, but if he's avoiding the issue and doesn't want to discuss it (which it sounds like he's doing) you may not be very successful in getting him to talk. I will say though, that if your style of communication makes him feel defensive, using the constructive arguing suggestions may help.

Again though, as I said in my last post to you, if he's brought you over under false pretenses, I wouldn't spend my time trying to learn to better communicate with someone who tricked me into coming, I'd be leaving.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 2:29pm

In addition to medical insurance, if you are in college, check with them. My sister tells me that our local college even gives referrals to families for counseling even if you aren't attending. If you are a member of a church/temple, check with them as well. Also, in the white pages of your local phonebook, look in the section 'county of' and look under Medical/Health - Psych or Mental Health - the county offers counseling on a sliding scale.

PS From the Relationship Saver board Dr. Brenda Shoshanna - someone said she works online (do an internet search) but I don't know her cost.




Edited 5/5/2006 2:33 pm ET by itwinflame


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 9:49pm

Great thought on the college counseling referral!

Personally, I would shy away from clergy who counsel as they don't tend to be great at counseling. Counselors went to college to be counselors because it was what they were interested in doing; clergy went to college to become clergy because that's what they wanted to do. That doesn't mean they like, are interested in, or are good at counseling. I don't believe they have counseling accreditation or have to have the continuing education that counselors have to have to maintain their licenses either.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"