problems at bedtime

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2005
problems at bedtime
18
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:28pm

First a little background info. My bf has a few sleeping problems. If he gets woken up, its extremely difficult for him to get back to sleep. He gets pissed if I accidently wake him up, and he thinks that I wake him up on purpose.
If I slip up and wake him, we get into this huge argument about it. I try not to wake him up, but sometimes I do, and I don't know why I forget. Its happened so many times before, thats why he thinks I do it on purpose.

Thats what our problem is now.
This time he said that we're not going to make up until I come up with some ideas on how I can -not- wake him up, but my mind is drawing a complete blank. Does anyone else have problems like this? What solutions can anyone give me? I don't want to have to get two seperate beds because our room is small, plus we live with his brother (we rent the place from him) so sleeping in seperate rooms isn't an option. Anyone?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 9:44pm

Wait a minute. Now I am really confused. I was interpreting what you were telling us as his irrational reaction to your innocent attempts to settle yourself for sleep. Now I am not sure that interpretation is correct. Let me try to understand. Do not worry about what goes through your mind after the lights are out, etc. Just tell me this:

How often do you touch him and wake him? With what part of your body do you usually touch him when he wakes up? Have you ever touched him when he has not awakened? Has your boyfriend been in other long term relationships during which he slept in the same bed with someone every night?

I hope you don't mind these questions as we try to help you with this perplexing dilemma.




Edited 1/24/2006 9:45 pm ET by geoteo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:51am
I think he should see a doctor for his sleep difficulty and in addition to that, he needs to grow up and get an attitude adjustment. If he cannot be an adult about this, how is he going to do with the more difficult problems that arise in a relationship?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:55am
I have a friend who is a light sleeper like this, and her solution? Her husband sleeps on the couch during the week when she has to work and then Friday and Saturday nights, he gets to sleep in the bed with her.
He snores, and moves a lot in his sleep. And she will be up all night if he's next to her. She's such a light sleeper, that if she is in her room at the end of the house, and you sneeze in the living room, it wakes her up. And she does ask everyone to be very quiet while she is trying to sleep.
I say your best bet, is to either tell him to get over it, or try an alternative sleep arrangement. My BF snores and it does wake me up, sometimes keeps me awake, but it isn't his fault so how can he be held responsible. And likewise, if you bump into him, you should not be held responsible, it happens. Sounds to me like he's a big BRAT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 5:18pm

My bf has said that he can't think of any way to solve this, and he says my ideas are only good for short-term. He wants a long-term solution..


This statement would have sent me into a thought process that focused on changing my living arrangements period.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 5:44pm

Really great post, Dirextor. My biggest red flag was that he was mad at her for this and actually went so far as to blame her for it. You've outlined concerns that are very relevant and appropriate to the situation, something I couldn't put my finger on as eloquently or succinctly. And if his mindset is such in this instance, you know it carries over to all other areas as well. He's not to blame or responsible for things, she is and that's a tsunami-size warning sign, just ask any of the members of the Domestic Abuse board.








~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:36pm
Tell him to sleep on the floor. He needs to be responsible for his own habits, peculiarities and his own needs.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2006
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 5:41pm
Have you tried Ambien?!
There's your answer...unless of course, your b/f is a controlling A-hole and his "sleeping problems" are a vehicle to abuse you.
Ambien is prescription only. It is relatively inexpensive. You take it only when you need it (not like an anitdepressant that you must take daily). It is a hypnotic and it's half life is 6-8 hours....which means after 6-8 hours of taking it there are NO side effects. No groggy, no headache, no hangover. If he's taken it before and states that he feels awful the next day, then it's only because he likes having the "problem", as the meds are COMPLETELY out of your system in 6-8 hours. If he has strange dreams when he takes it, it's because his dose is too high. Talk to a Dr about it. It will change both your lives!! (I know because I've been on it for a few years -- I'm an incurable insomniac, and because I'm a PhD Nurse.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:05pm
No offense wingblade but I totally disagree.I do not feel that she should have to go to a different room or even a different bed.That is no way for a serious relationship to be.Him treating her like this is not either.I do think it is good that you are getting a new bed bed sweetie.Also you too need some sleeping pills.Maby if he had some sleeping pills he would sleep better.Not worry about you.I don't think he actually means what he says when he blames you.It is just frustration and since you are the only one there and the one who happened to wake him up accident or not he gets mad.Anyway honey I think that seeing a doctor could benifit.This is his problem and if he does not correct it no matter what you do it will continue unless he seeks help for this.HAve you tried to talk to him about this?Seeing a doctor I mean?I jsut don't see why you should have to give up your territory to because he has a problem.That is just making you misserable and ignoring the problem.
Love,Kathy

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