Quagmire!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2010
Quagmire!!!
12
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 11:51am

Hello,

I am in desperate need of advice. I have been married for 27 yrs. My husband and I have the opportunity to visit Hawaii without having to pay for the lodging so air fare, food, entertainment is all

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: olive50
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 12:38pm

Men feel closer to their women when they can share an acitivy together, like hiking, climbing, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
In reply to: olive50
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 1:04pm

Is your DH usually this difficult with finding middle ground?

He honestly does seem to be behaving in a very immature manner.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: olive50
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 1:06pm

I'm going to try to be nice because I don't mean to offend you... But are you overweight? Is there a chance your husband is telling you as nicely as possible that he would like you to lose weight? Even in the winter it is possible to get in/stay in shape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
In reply to: olive50
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 3:05am

I'll try to say this as nicely as possible, but it's not her husband's place to bully her into losing weight, regardless of how he feels about it, and regardless of whether she is overweight. I know with shows like The Biggest Loser being popular it might seem like people are practically obligated to lose weight if they are fat, but it's really her choice and her choice alone. It doesn't sound to me like it's all that important to her right now, and she shouldn't do something like that for anyone but herself if and when she is ready to do so.

To answer the OP's question: if it were me I'd go by myself. It would cost half as much that way, and you wouldn't have to listen to him whine the whole time. I learned that lesson with an ex who I could never get to go anywhere with me (I once spent over 300$ on new clothes for him because he had nothing to wear for a fancy New Year's Eve party, and he still bitched and acted like a baby the whole night). It wasn't worth it. Don't waste your money if he doesn't want to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: olive50
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 7:26am

I didn't say it WAS her husband's place. I'm asking if it's a possibility that he's hinting at it. I don't watch The Biggest Loser so sorry, but my question wasn't based on a TV show. I didn't even suggest that she lose weight. Calm down a little.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: olive50
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 11:17pm

Welcome to the board, Olive50 ~

I'm sorry to have taken so long to get to the board and your post and like the others, I have a few questions; the answers of which will help me know what to suggest.

First, I'll say that I don't think it's entirely unknown for someone to be less than thrilled with a trip only to find they absolutely love the area once they're there.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
In reply to: olive50
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 3:06am
Sorry, but your post really came across as saying that if she is overweight she should lose it (you mentioned it being winter as being "no excuse" for not losing weight, while she had never made it to be one). Honestly I don't think it matters what her husband might be hinting at, because it shouldn't affect her actions in the least. I only mentioned the TV show because it's just one example of the attitudes that have become common in society, that it's only ok to be fat if you are actively working on not being that way. Really, she never mentioned losing weight, and I don't think it was right for you to mention it either, because her husband's feelings about it don't ultimately matter. You were out of line, IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: olive50
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 8:58am

You quote the words "no excuse". When you put something in quotes, you are quoting someone directly. Tell me where I "mentioned it being winter as no excuse for not losing weight". Show me where I said it is "no excuse". PM me if you like, but tell me exactly where I said that.

Next time ignore someone whose advice you don't like, I don't give a rat's ass what you think since both you (and the OP) can ignore any questions I've asked that I personally think might be relevant. If it's "out of line" then you don't have to respond to it, do you?

"her husband's feelings about it don't ultimately matter"

The way people feel directs how they act toward others. But okay, you go on thinking that other peoples' feelings don't matter and defending the OP from "society".

PS: If you still feel the need to go on about how I'm out of line, please send me a private message, because I am not interested in propagating an argument in someone else's thread meant to offer them help and advice. Or just let me know if I should put you on ignore because you intend to continue instigating arguments and playing White Knight of the iVillage Message Boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: olive50
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 10:58am

It's just amazing to me that you've been married for 27 yrs and your DH is resentful about splitting expense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: olive50
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 10:59am

I think going on your own is being reasonable, if that is what you want then do it.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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