Question
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-24-2007 - 8:56am |
Hi! I need some advice and am hoping to get some opinions on here. I have been dating a guy for about 5 months now, and he is a REALLY nice guy. The only thing is, he is quite shy, and has never been in a relationship before. This is making me really apprehensive, because it almost seems like he is with me and really wants to stay with me for fear of being single again and not having the courage to meet other people. He says that is not the case, however he has said things before like, "I never thought I would be able to find a girlfriend"..... and sometimes things happen that I think he should be mad about, like typical relationship problems, that he seems very easy-going about, too easy-going. It makes me think that he is just in it to be with someone.....any advice how to figure this out?
Thanks so much for any help!!!

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Well, I think your gut is trying to tell you something.
You cannot be a 'teacher' in your relationship, a boyfriend is not a work in progress or a project, he is an equal, a project can't be an equal or a partner. If you have to continually tell him how to behave in a relationship, then it's not going to work, but if you can give him just an idea how interaction should be, you may resolve the problem.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi! I hope you had a good weekend!
I did talk to him. I explained that our relationship needs to be more two sided, with both of us trying to please each other. I asked him if there is anything that he would like to do, or get out of the relationship that is not there right now. He said he wishes he could watch foot ball more. Which, I responded that that is great and I am happy to do that.....or do something else on Sundays and not take up football time. (though its almost over I guess anyway) SO...I guess that was good. I was hoping for something a little more deep I guess, but some response is better then nothing??
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Well....I have another update. Last night we talked a little more about it..... I explained to him that I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I feel like maybe its just not going to work, and we should just move on with our seperate lives, and then literally five minutes later I think, he is SUCH a nice guy though, and I do enjoy spending time with him......So, after explaining this we were talking about why I was feeling this way, and I just said that I feel like it needs to be more two-sided, as we talked about earlier. And at some point he said the phrase, and I quote, "Besides work, the rest of my life revolves around you." At this point, I said, "That may be part of the problem. You are a huge part of my life, but I still have other things/friends/hobbies/activities that I do and persue, even while being with you. For example, this whole time you would have liked to watch football, but did not even mention it to me until only one game is left in the season. I would be happy with you watching football, or doing other things that might interest you.....you just need to say the word."
So, we have decided to "back up" a little bit. I am so unclear about whether we just do not have enough in common, or are not compatible, or what....but we are going to not spend as much time together, in hopes that we can "see things a little more clearly"......
Sorry this was a little rambling.....I am just frustrated....I date all these rude, jerks who walk all over you and then finally am dating a nice one and would just really like it to work.
I hope you are all having a good day!!
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