Reaction To Going To A Bar

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Reaction To Going To A Bar
24
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 4:39pm

My best friend turned 21 last week and I had two friends visiting so it was quite the party week. My boyfriend lives about 2 hours away so only gets to visit me on the weekends, so I usually hang out with my friends during the week.

Last week I had my first visit to a bar in my town, and didn't think it was bad and actually had fun. They had free pool and my friends and I enjoyed playing. We ended up going three times last week to bars and I only drank 1-2 drinks each time.

Now when I told my boyfriend about this (we've been dating for a year and a half) he got really worried about me being in a bar. He got so worried he couldn't fall asleep that night. After talking about it for days I finally told him I would no longer go to a bar again unless he was there with me.

I am upset about this because my friends want to hang out tonight and play pool but I will have to let them know that I respect my boyfriend and won't be able to join them, which I'm sure they will be upset.

I'm just wondering, should I be upset? I even told my boyfriend I would go and have no drinks but he said he would still worry. I just feel like he doesn't trust me to be able to go out and have no drinks and to watch myself and have my friends there with me.

Am I being teenagerish thinking like this? or should I just respect his wishes and move on?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:33pm

Your best friend turned 21--how old are you? What other aspects of your life does your boyfriend try to control?

I agree with you that it sounds as if he doesn't trust you, and I am concerned that he would think it appropriate for him to tell a grown woman what to do. What would you tell a friend in the same situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 6:00pm

I'm also seeing this as a control issue on his part. Even if you DID end up drunk and asleep in the gutter, how you spend your time is YOUR CHOICE. Granted, the former may not be a wise choice, but never the less, it's up to you.

If I were you, I'd put my foot down on this issue. He is being unreasonable expecting you to not go out with your friends - especially as you are behaving yourself! I'd assure him that I won't be leaving my drinks alone or accepting them off strangers (thinking about drink spiking) and that you won't get a ride home with anyone but your friends.

If he continues to protest, I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 7:13pm

What exactly does he worry will happen if you go to a bar again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 8:14pm

Telling your friends that you can't hang out with them isn't "respecting" your boyfriend -- it's letting your boyfriend control you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 9:50pm

He said that he gets worried that I might do something I would regret, end up in jail, and/or get raped. He knew this girl before that it happened too (she got drunk and was raped), so is worried it would happen to me.

We are eachother first serious boyfriend/girlfriend and he says he doesn't want anything to happen. He does say he trusts me to stay away from other guys. And yes I am 21 y/o.

I could never see myself ending things with him, because this is the first problem I have run into with him, our first argument. I think if I can talk to him more about it maybe he can change his mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:54am
Was this your first,secound,and third time going to a bar?
Have you ever gone to a bar together or have you seen or been around eachother while drinking!
If not this could be him being insecure because you two have no prior experiance with the bar seen!
I would talk to him about this it could become a huge problem. I went through the same thing when i was 18 (thats the legal age in canada) with a bf he went nuts because i would go to the bar with my girlfriends just to hang out,he would think i was doing things or that things would happen and well it turned out that he had never been to a bar so he did not know what it was like..
We ended up going together and he soon started singing a whole new song so maybe you need to show him thats its ok, because he cant be freaking out on u over this!
Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:51pm

Sorry to come into this so late, I was away over the weekend.


I have a question, Amunet, and the answer I give will depend entirely on your answer to it:
You indicate that you only see your boyfriend on weekends and that you generally go out with your friends during the week. Am I correct in assuming that your boyfriend has never been upset that you go out with your friends? When you go out other places around town with your friends, say, where you might meet other guys or be in situations where couples hook up, has he gotten upset?


I'll be checking back for your answer.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:14am
he has never been upset with me before; like i mentioned, this is the first time since we have argued. i asked him if he was afraid that i would be attracted to other guys, and he said no, and i reassured him he was the one for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:16am
i brought him with me friday night and he hated it and was assured MORE he didn't want me to be there. the thing is, friday was crazy (really busy and loud) whereas during the week when i would want to go, there are only a couple people there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 1:14am

Sorry, Amunet, one more question (spurred by your answer to Sweet-labonte). It sounds like he generally doesn't like bars, is that right? Does he go to bars on his own, with friends, etc.? Or was it your particular bar he doesn't like? How old is he? If he generally doesn't like bars, any reason besides the story you told us, that he doesn't like bars?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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