Read "Relationship Saver" by Samardzic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Read "Relationship Saver" by Samardzic?
21
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 3:16am
There is an online book that I found at www.fix-my-marriage.com by Radomir Samardzic called The Relationship Saver. Has anyone read this book? What's this guy's take on saving a marriage- it sounds like he probably has a different approach then normal marriage counseling books, but the ebook itself costs $30, so if it's a crock, then I don't want to have wasted my money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:09am
I probably made my husband sound like he was pushing around a walker when I talked about arthritis problems, but actually we're only 10 years and a few months apart. He has an autoimmune condition that causes him joint pain, which is why he needs to be careful with his health.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:23am

Thanks for your validation. And, you made some good points in your last post. Some things that I have discovered are

* I depend on my husband too much for entertainment, so I need to do more hobbies outside of the home, and give him time to relax and unwind after work.
* If I want us to go out, I need to take the initiative and invite him out.

These last few days I have put both of these into practice and this last weekend we had a really good time out of the house...and, I have to confess that it helped me to feel more in the mood for romance in the bedroom.

I'd like to respond more to your message but I have to run for now. I'll be back later. Thanks for all of your feedback, cl-2nd.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 12:36pm
I never heard of that guy, so I don't know. I was on divorcebusting.com and read the 1st chapter of Michele Weiner Davis' book: Divorce Remedy. Now, that really made sense to me and I am going to get it. She is all about solutions and even how one person in the relationship can make changes that can save a marriage. Let us know if you read the book you mentioned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 4:04pm
I havent read that one yet...but I did buy "Getting Through to the Man You Love" by Michele Weiner-Davis, and she is all about changing yourself to get what you want...Kind of...its more about expanding your horizons and refocusing your energies to be happier. The suggestions she had worked for me...for awhile...and then I stopped using them,,,and things went back to the way they were before!
I would suggest a book called "Love in the Present Tense" by Morrie and Arleah Schechtman...It explains alot of feelings that couples may have and stages that they may go through in a relationship and how to go about getting out of the "rut".
Believe me,,,Im always looking for another book to tell me how to get throught to my H, and some work, and some dont! I know how you feel Eurowife about the lack of romance and attentiveness from your husband. It seems like you are the only one trying or concerned about the relationship...and that he does not appreciate all that you do around the house and for him. I have the same issue, and sometimes I go on "strike" for a few days with his laundry and dishes and the like until I cant take it anymore! I feel better about it, for whatever reason I dont know. I dont make the point to him, but I am not as angry or hurt afterwards. Getting out to do things with other friends is a great idea, and I try to do that, but it seems like then I am ignoring the issue to concentrate my energies on something to take my mind off of the problem at home. I guess its all about what you can live with and what you cant!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 12:12am
I'm glad it helped! I'm looking forward to hearing more from you ~








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 12:19am
Welcome to the board Dmarie702002 ~


It sounds like you have some ongoing issues, problems and frustrations in your marriage that you haven't been able to find a solution to as yet. I hope you'll consider posting your own post about the problems you're having, we may be able to help.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 6:15am

Well, I did end up buying the e-book online and it’s got pretty basic advice. I need to emphasize again that my marriage isn't headed for divorce or anything, but I was feeling that my husband was taking me for granted, so in return, I was moody and depressed a lot. Deep down I knew that acting that way with my husband would only make us both miserable, so I have tried to change how I react, even if he doesn't change how he acts (but, he has actually responded really well to my change in attitude, and he actually took me out on Saturday night and bought me flowers on Sunday.)

I just want to say that really, I don’t see that me getting out of the house means that I’m trying to run away from a problem. I mean, if I were getting out of the house ALL of the time, then that could indicate that I was running away from the relationship, but I do think it’s healthy for couples to have their own activities at least once in awhile. Also, one piece of advice that book gave was that if you do go out with your friends or family (especially to give you time apart) don’t complain to them about your husband because complaining will only make the problems seem worse and since your family and friends love you, they will only tend to agree with you. I am going to get involved with the Green Political Party here in Europe once or twice a week. Also, I’m going to try to get out to have a tea with my friends at least once a week. Anyway, these are my goals for now. Also, as far as getting more help around the house, the only thing I can do is ask sweetly a few times, really praise him when he does it, or imagine how good it would feel to hit him over the head with a pillow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 1:20pm

Sounds like you have a great plan going!

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 5:38pm
Oh, where to start? My Husband and I have been married just over a year, and been together for four years. We worked together up until last year, before our wedding, when he got a new job. I had some problems adjusting to the schedule changes and the like, and ended up switching shifts so that we could at least see one another every once in awhile. I work 12 hours shifts and drive 35 minutes one way to work, so my time at home is very limited on my work days. He works 8-10 hours a day, sometimes longer. Anyway, my biggest problem is getting him to do ANY housework(dishes, laundry, cleaning in general) I spend my days off work catching up on all the cleaning that has piled up on the days that I am at work, which leaves little time for me to relax, or to spend with him. We have basically one day a week that we can actually spend doing things together, and that time, he usually spends in the garage, working on projects out there and the like...or playing online poker. I have talked to him at no end about helping me with the housework during the week, and he told me everytime to just tell him what I want him to do. Now, when I first started doing this, he would make the time to do what I asked him to do. Lately, it seems like if there is something to be done, he will put it off all week, and if he remembers, he may do some of it. Its like he cant see that there are dishes in the sink and laundry piling up. Of course he cant see that from the garage! LOL! Im not a neat freak by any means, but I would like to come home after work and not have look at the mess, and then clean it up. He seems to find time for online poker, for him to relax, but can find no time to look around the house to see what needs to be done. I do realize that he works and has limited time too, but why does it have to be me that takes care of the house all the time?
I will have to address the other issues that my poor mind has at a later time! Sorry so long and drawn out. Thanks in advance!
Dawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 11:27pm
Hey Dawn ~ sorry to take so long getting back to you, I've been out of town. I do have some thoughts and suggestions for you, but I'm hoping that you'll repost what you wrote and start a thread of your own at the top of the board. By posting this within Eurowife's post many will not even see your words as they'll assume you were writing a response to Eurowife, so the number of responses you get will be very affected. It sounds like you had more to write too, maybe you can add that since you'll primarily be copy/pasting from here?


I'm looking forward to seeing your post!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"