In regard to spouses, disrespect, possible cheating, etc.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In regard to spouses, disrespect, possible cheating, etc.
57
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 3:37am

In the situation being discussed it was said that the husband is not in control of how the co-worker behaves towards him. That's not true. People will treat you as you allow them to.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Peace first, LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
I'm still not clear what "pound her" means. It sounds like it could mean physical violence.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Pound her with your fists.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
And I believe you wouldn't. Must be why your screen name is harmony, however, not every wife is as understanding as you to a woman who knowingly sleeps with a MM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
It's not about being understanding, there's no justification for cheating or sleeping with a married person. But you don't really think violence can solve relationship problems, do you? I'd be worried I'd end up arrested. I don't think there is anything good that can come from initiating a violent attack against another human being, no matter what that person has done to you.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Well, I'll have the OWs guts for garters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
It might not solve a relationship problem, but it might make the betrayed spouse feel better. In all honesty, you'd be surprised how easily a normally non violent person will react to a person they find out is sleeping with their spouse. Especially if the person was pretending to be your friend. Im not condoning it or saying it's right, but it's something you really can't understand until you're a betrayed spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Feel better in the short term or long term? And what about beating another person feels good? I get things happen in the heat of the moment, but a plan to beat another person well in advance, as a "what if" scenario is a really unhealthy plan. It can land the betrayed person in jail, and that isn't going to feel good. It's putting your physical health and well being on the line for someone who already hurt you so much.

Basically there are two ways you can go when you are deeply hurt. Toward healing, or toward hurting yourself more. Sometimes people are hurting so bad the only thing they can do is find ways to hurt more. Something that risks bodily harm and jail is hurting yourself more. Talking to someone who cares about you, posting on a forum where others have BTDT, finding a good therapist, those are things that would move a betrayed spouse toward help and healing. Healing and violence are not compatible concepts.

Personally it's not of my business how a person handles a betrayal and you are welcome to your opinion there, but this is the problem solving for couples board and I don't think it's good to let "pound her" stand as a viable option to a relationship problem. It's not.healthy.

The idea that it's okay to beat people if they deserve it an abuser mindset. I would discourage anyone from having that mindset, even if it is temporary, even if they are hurting deeply.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

I never said I agreed with pounding anyone, nor have I ever pounded anyone myself. Although I will admit I have had thoughts about it at one time, and I am a non violent person. But it's usually something that happens in the heat of the moment. when you first find out, and it's especially a hard thought to control if the OW is (or I guess I should say is pretending to be) a friend of yours. Very hard for a non violent person to understand until you've been there.