RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, HELP!
16
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:41am
Okay, my fiance is driving me up the WALL. I don't have to talk or I can talk and he'll still get moody and frustrated with me...what to do? It's already hard for not spending time with him but when he doesn't call makes it ONLY worse...so what do I need to do because I'm tired of him treating me this way. I want to break this "control." PLEASE HELP ANYONE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:17pm

Hi Lila ~


It would help if we had more information.








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:42pm

"What does he get moody and angry with you about?"

He gets moody and angry if I ask him why he went him for the weekend or if I ask him too many questions at one time or if I say something that he doesn't like or if I talk about something that he doesn't want to talk about. His Moodiness turns into anger..which for me turns into loathe.

"I'm assuming you've talked to him about it, what does he say?"

Yes I've discussed this with him but he would say something like, "if you wouldn't have said this or that or didn't do this or that, then I wouldn't have to get angry or in my moods. I always have to DO something or SAY something to get him like this. He thinks I "always" bring him problems. He's 37. I'm 22.

"How long has this been going on?"

His moodiness have been going on for awhile, but here lately, he stays in his mood for days w/o calling, etc. He's a gemini, don't know if that really matters or not.

"Is he under more stress than usual lately?"

He maybe under MORE stress now lately..and I think he goes and visits his family out of obligation..he blames me for not going to visit them regularly but he doesn't even spend that much time with me. He mostly spends it with his aunt and his son.

"How long have you been together, are you getting close to the wedding date?"

We've been together for 2 years now. We're not close to the wedding date, but that's how long we've been together. He's a pleaser person and when the people he tries to "please" don't accept whatever he does, then he gets angry!

He basically say one of me is enough for him and he doesn't have the thought or intentions on cheating but he gets so moody that he won't call and I think he be dead but you know, he usually calls and let me know he made it him..but I'm beginning to resent and hate him for all this DRAMA he's causing.

Anyway, please help as much as you can and thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:45pm
Why do you want to stay in the relationship, or do you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:51pm
I keep asking myself that time and time again. I guess because he can be so GREAT at times and that overrides all the negative...but other times he can be a real a**hole....so....I keep asking myself that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:09pm

You stated that he can be so great at times and that overrides all the negative...Do you really believe that?

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:29pm

I believe that when times are good they are good and whenever we have bad times they're horrid.
You're funny dirextor! :-) Thanks for making me smile. Anyway the nice things he do: he cooks me breakfast, runs me bath water, and actually bathe me. Iron my clothes, take me out for a spin, bring me lunch to my job, buy me flowers and have them delivered to my job...

OOOOHH I got you dirextor......if all the good things are GOOD then why don't I think about THAT instead of all the negative? Is that what you're trying to say? If so, okay! Got it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 2:10pm
I'm thinking that the bad times outnumber the good times. When that happens, it's time to rethink the whole thing. Trust me....you don't need someone to do those things for you (run your bathwater, bathe you, send flowers), yes, it's nice, but there are TONS of men who do those very things. You're 22 and he's 37? As a rule, that's not a bad thing, but at 22, you're still figuring out who you are, what you are, what you stand for, what your priorities are, and where you want to be ten years from now. Trust me....once you get those ten years under your belt, you will SO not be the same person. What about his son? You're awful young to be taking on the role of stepmother. I'm assuming that you have different styles, different ideas of what's fun, different goals, even. As it should be! Especially if you've already been with him two years. Men typically have matured by 37 (Lord help 'em if they haven't!) and they (well, women too for that matter) have "survived" their twenties, made their mistakes, learned from them, and are focusing on the future, while at 22, we're still focusing on the present. HUGE difference. Let me ask you...has the thought of your retirement plans crossed your mind lately? The state of social security? Probably not. If so, I wish I'd had your discipline at that age. By the time we're in our mid-thirties, those are very important aspects of our lives.
I know two years seems like a long time, but why not cut the ties for oh, say, three months and just see where things are then? I know you love him....but don't you think you're worth three months to yourself to at least get a different view?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 2:50pm

I know I don't need someone to do that, but someone asked me what did he do for me.

Anyway, yes I've been thinking about retirement, and social security. He's NOT the only thing in my life, or what I breathe for.

I think more of IMPORTANT issues and people tell me I'm too young to be thinking about stuff people in their early 40s or 50s think about. I'm already in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 3:10pm
I understand you were replying to a question.
And the fact that you are thinking in terms of your future is fantastic. Like I said, I wish I'd had that discipline when I was your age.
I hope I didn't come across as suggesting that your youth could prevent you from making wise choices, it's just that, aside from "covering the bases" in terms of your financial future, you shouldn't have to be thinking of anything other than the "right here and right now". That's the beauty of that age that you can't reclaim once it's gone.
By the time I was your age, I was fighting tooth and nail to get away from an incredibly violent and abusive husband, along with an infant - who was only a few weeks old. If I'd known then what I know now, marriage would have been the last thing on my mind back then. The ONLY good that came out of that is my son.
I guess I'm just saying to make it all count right now. If you're having doubts and even with the good that comes from it, the less than perfect aspects are screaming at you to take a long hard look at things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 3:33pm
Thnx! I will. :-)

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