Remember me...having hard time!!
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Remember me...having hard time!!
| Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:31pm |
Hey guys, remember me...
So its been two weeks since I ended it with the BF- well now Ex.
What is wrong with me though- I am actually missing him and scared!!
I am wrroied about him meeting someone else- if he hasn't already!! And I worry that he hates me for ending things and behaving as I did. I knwo I shouldn;t care- but I do. And the whole idea of seeing him with someone new is SO scary to me- I have no idea how I am going to react- especially since I saw him with someone in bed- I think that image will jump in my head when I see him with someone and I will Freak Out!!
Man- this is not good- I thought I would at least relieve a little stress when I ended it- but now he really can be with someone else!! Why does it hurt??
So its been two weeks since I ended it with the BF- well now Ex.
What is wrong with me though- I am actually missing him and scared!!
I am wrroied about him meeting someone else- if he hasn't already!! And I worry that he hates me for ending things and behaving as I did. I knwo I shouldn;t care- but I do. And the whole idea of seeing him with someone new is SO scary to me- I have no idea how I am going to react- especially since I saw him with someone in bed- I think that image will jump in my head when I see him with someone and I will Freak Out!!
Man- this is not good- I thought I would at least relieve a little stress when I ended it- but now he really can be with someone else!! Why does it hurt??

Welcome back Cgsbeau ~
I wanted to provide the links to your previous posts so everyone who can reply to you has the benefit of better understanding and insight of your
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hey Sweetie ~ I'm at work so can only write a few lines, but I couldn't not at least offer you a little help in the form of a suggestion.
Let me first remind you that coming to a point that you question ending your relationship is inevitable.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thanks for the kind works and support that you always have for me. Most of the time I am doing okay with all this, but then I think about him being with someone else. Also I get loney- as one should imagine. All we had in our relationship that meant anything was our physical touch- we cuddled together0 hugged, kissed. It hurts to think of him doing that with someone else. It makes it feel like eveything that we had gone threw has been trhown away because he is with someone new. How can he care about someone or be physical with someone and not feel the difference of it not being me. He once told me that my touch or when he touched me was so incredibly different and special- even if it was just a touch of my arm...
I want to be strong, for myself and to show him that I am something special and he is an idiot. Mostly to show him that we did need to go our separete ways and I want him to respect me for dending to so that we could do just that. But I also know I should not be looking for validation from him. Unfortuantely I have always done that with him, I think the way the relationship was, I felt the need to prove to him I was worthy in some way or worth it. And I needed him to express to me that he understood that- but I never received it from him- that validation I needed- yes I know- cus I need to have it with myself first and foremost, and also because what he has done in the relationship doesn't deserve any validation. I was hurt, he hurt me- and all I wanted was for him to truely recognize how it affected me- for him to feel that pain of hurting someone you supposably love. But he can't do that!! I wanted to be loved and he couldn't do it. And the next person he is with he will hurt as well unless he finally learns what love is- maybe by being deeply hurt by someone else- maybe then he will understand. He used to claim that he had been cheated on and seen exs in bed with other people before and it numbed him of feeling...yeah- apparently. Too bad he didn;t just learn from those experiences and not do it to other people!!!
(Sigh..) Its amazing how much I get off my chest here- I know without this board I would have left him or at least not this soon... Thank you for helping me along the way! This whole experience has been very theraputic and necessary! I feel much better now!
I'm glad writing out your feelings is helpful to you, it's helped me through hard times too. I don't know if you were looking for feedback on what you said, but I'll toss in my thoughts in case you were.
As far as how it hurts to think of him being with someone else, sweetie, he was with other women while he was with you! That ought to pretty much kill any "how could he be with anyone else now that we've broke up" thoughts! His being unfaithful should pretty much tell you his lines about the special touch and any feelings of bonded togetherness were null and void -- only existed in your mind because he wanted you to believe they were true. You're wishing for a relationship that never really existed. He was a liar and a fake.
I know, I know, I know how you're feeling when you say you want him to hurt like you hurt, to realize how stupid he's been, what he's thrown away. You want him to realize his mistake and regret it. If I had to guess, you're also wishing he'd come rushing back with these deep realizations, a changed man wanting you back, never to hurt you again. Not gonna happen. Here's reality: He is who he is and he's shown you plainly who he is by his lies, his cheating, how he handled himself in your relationship, what he expected you to believe and put up with. He tried to make you feel that you were the one in the wrong, how dare you think his trip was anything but innocent. He sold you out from beginning to end. You want him to realize what he's done and regret it? Not going to happen. You're trying to put what you wanted and how you felt in this relationship in his head. You want him to feel what you felt and that's not how he is. He's who he is and you absolutely know he did not feel what you felt or want what you wanted. You need to let go of that and keep reality in your head. He's the guy who lied to you and slept around on you. He's the guy who made you feel like you were sooo untrusting to be upset about this trip when you had every reason to not be okay with it. This is not a guy who gets hurt in relationships. Why? Because he cares too much about himself to ever have much care for anyone else. He can't get hurt because he's never invested in anything but his own selfish wants and needs. Sure you want him to have regret, but that's not likely. Let your "revenge satisfaction" be in knowing that he'll never feel deep feelings for anyone. He'll never know anything other than surface relationships, what they can do for him. He'll never get hurt because he'll never be invested. Count your blessings that you're out of a relationship with a guy like that and move on.
Gentle push time. You've got past issues and you know it. You've got more current issues (cheating) and letting those issues get a chance to sink in will mean you'll carry them around for years and years, maybe the rest of your life. You're struggling off and on and having some real problems dealing with this ended relationship. It's time to see a therapist to deal with your current issues so that they don't become life-long baggage. It's also time to deal with your past issues so you can move ahead and be the healthy, happy person you can be, and be ready to choose a relationship that's healthy and happy too. Time to take care of you. Give it a try, you won't regret it. Make that call, take this step, do it for you. Scary, yes, I know, I was scared too. But you're worth it and once you've made that first scary step, you'll be so glad you did. It's only scary to start, then you can't wait to go back because it feels so much better. Don't be afraid to get better.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Everything you said made sense- althuogh I promise I do not want him to come running back to me a changed man- cus I do knwo that he will never have the ability to understand anything that has happened between us or be able to love me. He has tried the whole crying game when I have tried to leave him- which is the only time he has really showed any sort of emotion about the relationship besides anger and fustration. So I tried that route of going back what- three times!!! I better learn my lesson huh! lol. No seriously I know he won't change and even if he did theres no way to 'fix' anything in what was the relationship for it to work cus as you said there really was no relationship!
I finally made a detialed list yesturday of all the things he has done to hurt me...its long and it ended up very with me writing in a very angry tone, but it was theraputic and an eye opener. I knew he had done many cruel things but to see them all on paper together was sort of a turning point ya know? I read it after I let it all out and kinda shook my head...I thought about how he is not a good person, but mostly- and not in a self deficating way- thought about how I had the power to walk away every single time he did some thing on that list. But I didn't. I know I have my own self identity and worth issues and that is what lead me to stay with someone like him. You are right and I have known this for about 15 years, that I need to sort it all out with a counselor.
As for keeping busy...I took on a second job- work as a waitress at a little Italian joint in town. Its a good way to keep me busy and save money!! I was worried about this weekend and it being a long one. Mostly because I was suppose to go camping with him. Also because my whole family will be out of town this weekend. So I made arrangements with a friend for tonight, then tomorrow I picked up a shift at the restaurant, Sunday going to a friend's BBQ- then Monday my fam comes back and its my Brothers Birthday...
So all should be fine. I also confirmed with a friend to go on a canoe/camping trip with her and a bunch of people. I do not know any of them, she does. I think it will be fun and good for me to get out and meet new people and enjoy the outdoors! Its kinda a cool concept of how they are doing the trip- a guy/girl are matched up and we float down the river together. They have it as male/female so that the guy rows and the women lounge in the front and soak in the sun!! Sounds goood to me!! LoL
Thanks as always. Everytime you write to me I feel the need to say thank you, because your words really do mean a lot to me!! Take Care- Have a Great holiday weekend!!
Wow, Cgsbeau ~ you are making some incredibly great decisions. I'm really impressed! I hope you have a great weekend!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I hope you had a great weekend, it was beautiful here!!
I kept myself pretty busy all weekend, but of course still had thoughts of the whole situation still on my mind, as I am sure it will remain for some time. Time to vent though- Everyday it gets easier not to want to call him- (I still get that way sometimes- but not to say hi- its more of a feeling of wanting to call him and tell him how much he sucks!). And I am still getting anxious at times thinking of him with someone else- even though I shouldn't. But then I have times where I don't care that he is probably with someone else cus they can deal with his crap and not me.... Its back and forth.
I am just trying to focus on me right now- getting in shape- getting money saved up etc...
as I should be.
Feeling blah right now though...
I am getting anxious about the Fourth of July though. Last year we were suppose to hang out but he was with one of the other girls instead, and the year before that I was in the hospital sitting by my brother's bedside. I know I will be thinking of how he will be with somsone else and having fun. I know, I know...Stop Caring Right!! I just can't seem to help it sometimes though- I want him to be miserable, not having the time of his life!!
I am just so angry with him still...and want to unleash it on him some how or have him do it to himself, or have others make him feel like it was all his fault, something! I have to find a way to get rid of that feeling somehow- to let it all out. I have thought about looking into seeing a counselor. I do not have insurace though so it woudl be ridiculously expensive... We will see.
Hope all is well!
I have to say that sometimes it is tough and unfortunately- you guys see the worse part of it because writing on this board really helps me when my feelings are overwhelming. So there are definately good days when I do not think about whats-his-face almost at all...
Like even tonight- I now work at a very small restaurant in town and theres this guy there that I flirt with. Its totally harmless- but totally fun!! I have not flirted in SO long I almost forgot what it was like to be silly with someone, but also have someone who does nice things for you-cus they think you're cool, LOL. I'm quite enjoying it- Don't get me wrong I DO NOT want to date anyone- but I will definately take advantage of having fun while working. He is dont working there next week though and I started there last week, so that sucks, when he leaves I wont have anyone to flirt with. Hes cool though, someone I could be buds with.
But you're right, I will probably not think or worry about the fourth as much as I am now. And it will take me a while to really deal with all this cus I still get overwhelmed with confusion or anxiety at times about it all. I started looking around for a sliding fee counselor, but ended up finding one that is not but seems right up my ally. So I am looking into getting insurance independantly instead of waiting for my work insurance to kick in, the work ins sucks anyway!!
Thatnks as always!! I will look forward to the days when I can post and say I am emotionally free from it all!!
I would suggest you try to keep from looking ahead at the fourth and just focus on today. You've got enough to deal with now and don't need to borrow trouble that's a month away, besides a month from now you're going to feel entirely different than you do now, so you're spinning your wheels worrying about things without reason. Deal with it when it comes, not now.
I'm not sure if I suggested it before or not, but a book that might be really good to read is "Exorcising Your Ex : How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past" by Elizabeth Kuster . It's totally tongue-in-cheek, will have you laughing and crying and help you feel very okay with the feelings you're having about him. You'll read suggestions on exorcising his past (funny and could be therapeutic to actually do), you'll love reading the revenge chapter -- at least I did! I got tons of evil pleasure from reading the horrible things women have done to get back at the men that had hurt them, even if there was no way I'd ever do any of those things myself. It's a great book, I loved it, and have handed it out to many a broken-up friend.
We're here if you need us! Let us know how you're doing! Have you taken steps towards therapy yet?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"