Reposted for Gal_confussed
Find a Conversation
Reposted for Gal_confussed
| Tue, 01-03-2006 - 9:25pm |
Hey guys, I'm posting the question Gal_confussed posted at the end of Twoxisenough's post Am i being fair?? , so her question would get the attention it deserves. Here it is:
"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
Hello, I'm glad i'm not the only one who feels that way. I have been kinda going through that this past year. He has been very sneaky. I have always found his secrets out and he doesn't like it. Thats why wee fight. I just can't get him to be honest with me. He says it's none of my buisness. Together for 14 years. His way of seeing things "I'M A MAN!" All I ever wanted out of him is HONESTY! Is that so bad? Any input is welcomed at any time.
"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

In your first response to Twoxisenough you said he's "he's in on the D.L.". I don't know what that is, can you explain?
No, you're not wrong or bad to want honesty and no he's not entitled to lie because he's "a man". It's not acceptable to lie whether you're a man or a woman. What it sounds like though, is that your guy has repeatedly lied and repeatedly had inappropriate contact with other women. If that's the case, what you know for sure is that he will continue to lie and he'll continue to have secret affairs. It's what he wants to do, it's what he's done for 14 years. You're not wrong to want honesty but you will never have it with him and I think you're selling yourself short to stay in a relationship like this. I think you have to decide what you want in your life. If you want to continue to check up on him, discover his latest secret and then continue on to find the next ones, then that's what you should do. If you want to have a relationship that is full of lies and mistrust then you're with the right man. But if you want a relationship that is honest and truthful, with a man who does not fool around with other women, you'll have to end the relationship you're in now. You can't change your guy, you can't make him stop. Only he can do that and he's making it very clear that he doesn't want to.
It comes down to you -- what you want and what you're willing to accept in your life. That's what you have control of and that' what you can change, nothing else.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I just have to ask, is it okay with you that he's on the D.L.? Cause if what I understand about that is true, he sleeps with other men. Is sleeping with ANYONE else, irregardless of who, an okay thing with you to include in your marriage? Because he isn't going to "see it your way". He's going to keep doing it because it's what he wants to do.
Jen
For me, it wouldn't be about, "if you don't want divorce then stop bringing it up in our arguments." it would be about what I wanted for my life, refusing to stay in a situation that was unacceptable. It's good to have faith and hope, but only when the situation shows that there's reason to have either of those things. I'm not sure you have reason. What's he planning to do different this time? What assurance do you have that things will be different? If he's promising the same old things, not making plans and changes that give you assurances and ways to monitor his actions, you have no reason to believe anything will be any different and every reason to believe it will be the same.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"