RESPECT

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
RESPECT
14
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 10:18am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 10:52am

I don't want to sound like I'm trivializing your situation but my response has to be brief.

Your husband kicked you in the stomach. WHY are you still married to him?

You haven't forgiven him because it would be stupid to forgive someone for abusing you physically. Mistrust is extremely important. It's a very base defense mechanism that keeps you from getting hurt. If you ignore mistrust, you will be hurt again.

I wouldn't tell my worst enemy to stay in this marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:08am

I know right, why am I still with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:34am

It is good that he stopped physically abusing you but he is close to being emotionally abusive to you, which can be just as bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:41am

"We have gone to counseling before after we got married, prior to getting pregnant and as you can see that did no good."

I have done MUCH research on abuse, and I can tell you that marriage counseling will not work on abusers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 12:23pm

I will go look for that book today.

Also, I feel like I am at fault.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 12:39pm

"Every time I try to explain to him how I feel, he says that I talk to him with disrespect so that is why he does it to me."

Here's my take on this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 12:49pm

"But all in all, I bet I talk to him that way because he does it to me."

Can you give us an example of what you say to him when this disrespect is going on?

Was there ever any apology or remorse for kicking you in the stomach and making you bleed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 1:05pm
Let me start by saying, sure, a guy can be great around the house, but marriage is more than that. It's about taking care of your emotional needs as well. everything you have listed are all signs of an abusive man. I willing to bet that he also appears to be Mr. Perfect to outsiders right? Treats them well and you like crapola?

Go to counseling for yourself to help you figure out why you stay and put up with being treated like this. Believe me, your son is better off NOT growing up in an environment like that. Parenting is about role modeling as well. He will either grow up and be like his father or he will have a lot of relationship issues because of your marriage. If you get out, at least then you have a chance of showing him what a healthy relationship is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 1:26pm
In short , its not about respect at all. Its abuse . Its a vicious cycle of good and bad , else the victim wont stay .

Leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: t_nusbaum
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 2:53pm

Used to and still sometimes now I will reply with a mean comment back when I feel his comment to me was rude.

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