Response to Jthinton
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|Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:28am|
You have nothing to feel "guilty" for. Your husband is gone how many days a week and YOU think you're choosing fun over family? Come on, you know better than that. All of us need time away, time alone, it makes us better parents and partners. We all need free time on a regular basis - free time of OUR CHOOSING.
For what it's worth, I don't think it matters whether you want to dance every week for the rest of your life or you'll never want to do it again. The dance issue is the symptom, not the issue, his behavior, demands and mindset are. Fact is, he expects you to behave just as he deems, those same rules do not apply to him. He believes he is free to decide what is right for him AND for you; he can do as he wants, you must do as he chooses for you. His attitude and mind set says you don't matter and your feelings, thoughts and beliefs are not considered, period. I think you nailed it when you said your answer was his saying counseling wouldn't change his mind. It's coming down to whether you want to live your life under his total command or whether you want to have choices and a say in what you do with your life. No small aspect is the example of a "correct" and "normal" relationship your children are watching. Boys are learning they are rulers, men do as they want and TELL their women what they can do, girls are learning to submit to whatever their husband commands them to do, they'll seek out men "just like Dad".
His parents oppose what? You were very unclear on that.
I understand the kids are upset and you're concerned about uprooting them further, but I think getting them out of that environment is much better than having you or them continue to live as you are. They'll be better off away from the turmoil, IMHO.
I'd also like you to post your problem on the Recognizing and Dealing With Domestic Abuse board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting
Your husband's behavior is extreme, controlling and therefore abusive. You'll find lots of women who understand your problem because they are or have been where you now are. They can offer lots of sound suggestions to help you as well as be a great source of support for you.
Edited 3/26/2003 2:49:04 AM ET by cl-2nd_life