romance
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romance
| Sun, 06-04-2006 - 4:44pm |
Hello everyone. Over the past eight months, I have been dating this guy from college. We are both 20. I have noticed that in school we work better as a couple but when we go to little vacations to visit each other, I don't feel happy. He isn't realy romantic so much and I recently told him that last month. I told him I am a girl and I liked to be romanced and feel appreciated and that he doesn't show it. He says he loves me and I say I love him. Before I told him recently, he would always ask to split everything down the middle. This is maybe because he is inexperienced and has not really dated before but come on, its common knowledge. He doesn't buy meflowers or cute nice things and a few months ago, he didn't realize when he'd cut me off in a convo or walk in front of me. I feel like when we are not in college and together in other locations, he doesn't really focus on US so much and just the location. I want him to do romantic things for me but he doesn't get it. I told him and he has improved a little but he doesnt offer to cook me dinner and I know he likes to, he doesnt buy me cute things like flowers candy or anything that reminds me of him like I do for him ( I bought him a book the other day I know he'd love) He knows I want romantic things and he has improved a little in college when he like comes to my room, he brings a soda or something bc he knows I like diet coke or whatever. I hate that I had to tell him to appreciate me and be romantic...he should want to take me to dinner and pay, especially since it;s been 8 months and he says he loves me. I don't feel like Im crazy about him maybe bc i feel like he doesn't call me everyday, just texts and I don't feel like he shows he loves me..and I told him but he really doesn't know I guess. I will be in his hometown in 1 week and he was telling me how we r going to this fancy place for my bday and how we r going to get the trout and this calamari salad..but its my bday...why cant i choose..why did he bring that up. I hope he pays too for my bday..I dont know..he asks me tosplit things like, he said he paid the last cab if I can pay this one..and he has money.trust me. How do i get him to be more romantic. My family says they can tell im not infatutated and in love and I just feel like it's been so long with him in our relationship, and if he isn;t making me feel soo special and getting me cute things, not even like it has to be costly things,just things to show me he is thinking about me..if it is like this now, it will only get worse later right? I had to tell him I felt wierd splitting everything down the middle since I am his girlfriend and not his friend, and how on our first dates, he didn't offer to pay my half. He says he feels so comfortable around me he feels like he doesn;t even have to impress me and I was a little wierded to hear that. I feel he is putting minimum effort..but maybe that's how he comes off. I know he likes me but...something is missing..and I feel wierd telling him things to do that he should want to do. I told him I like flowers and how come he never does things lke that for me and he said sorry he didnt notice, but he still hasn't gotten me flowers yet. I like him and I feel comfortable with him but I don't feel like hes giving it his all and hes keeping something back. I have told him and he says he loves me..but what should I be looking for when I see him in a few days...and also what should I be looking for when I am apart from him for a month..phone calls? Anything special at all? Help me out guys. Thanks. I want romance..but I'm tired of telling him everything. Remember, I like him a lot.

Short and simple answer. He's not the guy you need. And it's wrong of you to try and change him.
Either accept him as is or move on.
good luck.
Hi tunatartar,
You're probably not going to like my advice, but I'll just jump right in.
You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they’re able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement – or lack of – in their situations. I hope you find it as enlightening as many do:
payingpaying2
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hey Tunatartar ~ It sounds like absolutely nothing has changed. You're still disappointed with who he is, feel uncared for, unappreciated and like you don't count, you still need him to be somebody other than who he is to be right for you. The only thing that's changed is the date -- you're growing more tired of dealing with a relationship that isn't right for you. Spending more time together won't make it right, it'll continue just as it is. Why? Because he is who he is, choosing to do what is right for him and you are who you are, what you want and expect from a relationship are not at all the things that are right for him.
The same thing applies here that applied to your other posts. If you want more romance, you need to find another guy. This one isn't romantic and never will be.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
tunatarter,
In my opinion this isn't the guy for you. Period. You aren't happy with the way he is and you aren't going to be able to change that. You don't feel this or that for him and you've expressed how he doesn't do anything for you. Why are you still with him?? After reading your posts I can see why you would be upset.
I do have to reflect on one part of your post though before I end this because I see a pattern in all of your posts.
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Sorry to say honey but it's not "common knowledge". At 20 I highly doubt he is financially well off enough to "fund" his girlfriend for all the things that she wants and even if he was he shouldn't have to. In my opinion you are being very selfish in expecting him to pay your way ALL the time, plus buy you things and get you candy and flowers. Being a girlfriend does NOT entitle you to free dinners, free travel, free movies, free drinks, free everything, plus gifts, candy and flowers. If you want to grow up to be a mature responsible adult you have to be willing to take care of things yourself. Not to mention realize that gifts, candy and flowers aren't always going to be at your feet.
Best of luck,
Defleppardgal
Edited 6/5/2006 4:40 pm ET by defleppardgal
Defleppardgal