Second to the DOG

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Second to the DOG
6
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 1:33am
Ok, am I crazy? Tonight, before I go to bed, craving some affection from my man, (who considers smacking my ass affection) I say, "can you cuddle me?" "Babe, no Im tired." So what does he do but grabs our dog and spoons her!! WTF! This is not something that is a one time thing. First thing he does in the morning is strokes her, doesnt touch me. Last thing at night is spooning her. What is the problem. I was so upset, this particular night, that I got out of bed, and he says, "are you mad, where are you going?" I said, all I wanted was a little affection, which you refuse me, so then you are spooning the DOG? What is it?
I of course feel like a crazy person begging my boyfriend for affection, but in past relationships, I always got a little love and sweetness before bed. AND< if you are in a loving relationship, as I thought we were, you want to please your lover, if they ask for something, you dont sigh and say no, like they were asking to chop the arm off and give it to you. Then he tells me Im crazy, and that he was up all night last night, fulfilling MY needs, yeah, we had sex, he came twice, me zero? Since when is sex work?
I am hurt, feeling rejected and confused, and need some advice...Tonight I said that if I will have to beg for affection always, that I will not be able to make this work--which is how I fight when I feel rejected, I threaten to leave, which I know isnt good.... Please help any feedback is welcome...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: eeverb
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 2:13am

My ex-h "permitted" me 5 minutes of cuddling before falling asleep and then I had to get back to my own side of the bed and not touch him the rest of the night.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
In reply to: eeverb
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 6:40am

You know that it is time to leave when you are not getting what you need out of

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
In reply to: eeverb
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 11:18am
I moved here to be with him from far away, and I am now isolated from all that love me. I recently got a fantastic job here, that I start TOMORROW. However, I am still feeling the need to bolt. I woke up this morning, expecting that maybe we would have a talk, but he got up, threw my belongings that were in the kitchen, including an expensive leather jacket, on the floor in my office, took a shower, and left without saying a word to me. He is like a child.But may I mention this man is 49 years old? I feel like a child begging for his attention and I get none. I read my first post, and I cant believe how pathetic it all looks. I just cant not start this job, I have NO money right now, and I got myself into this ugly mess, I need to get my own self out of it.. I am so confused, because yes, there are obviously reasons that I am with this man, he has some amazing qualities, but It is tug of war, back and forth, he can be so chauvinistic.....I should be on seventh heaven happy about my new job, and all I can think about is this junk relationship..
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: eeverb
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 4:17pm
Eva,
I took the time to browse your myspace website.
Before I give my advice, I want you to know where I'm coming from. I'm fast approaching my half-century birthday. Married for 23 years to a wonderful man. 3 kids (2 grown).
What struck me most about your website were the references to drunkeness or bar-hopping or tripping over cocaine-addled roomates. I calculated that you are about 26 or 27 years old. Pardon me if I seem sharp, but you are far too old for this frat-party, college coed lifestyle. I don't suggest that you stop "letting the good times roll," just that you grow up a little and take a good, hard look at your life. Your 30th birthday is right around the corner, yet you seem to be in major confusion about what you want in life and how to go about achieving it.
Lose the old fart you're living with. He sounds very self-centered and emotionally stunted. You are a young woman, and unless you want to be changing his diapers in a few years you are better off sticking with men in your age group.
Have you ever been in counseling?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
In reply to: eeverb
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 10:18pm
Im sorry, but no, he's not amazing--he's an amazing idiot and fool, perhaps, but he's nowhere near being amazing in the positive and still treat you contemptuously. Anything that could be good about him is eclipsed by the vileness with which he chooses to treat with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eeverb
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 1:46am
Rereading your own post can be very telling, even after just a few hours, can't it? What seems very confused at the time of writing can be starkly obvious. You've said it yourself, the guy considers a slap on the ass affection, and refers to sex as "fulfilling your needs"; exactly what do you expect from a guy like this? He's clearly represented who he is. Staying in a relationship means doing so knowing this is who he is, what he'll do, how he thinks, and most importantly, what he thinks of you; happily accepting that and being satisfied with that because it's not going to change. Clearly, you're not happy or satisfied -- nor should you be.


You have no friends in the area? No savings? No way to get an advance from someone so that you can rent your own place asap? You might check into roommate finder services and see if you can't share rent with someone until you've saved up enough to get your own place.


I'm wondering, how long did you know this guy before you moved in? Since you moved long distance, I assume your relationship was of the long distance variety? If that's so, how long/often were you physically together?








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"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

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