Second marriage and property ownership jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Second marriage and property ownership jealousy
10
Thu, 10-07-2010 - 3:22pm

Okay...my husband and I just got married. (he is my second and I'm his thrid wife). He has kids and I have kids. He left his second wife and came lived with me and we are now married. We had a fight the other day referencing nothing to do with material things, however it all came out. He stated he was insecure with living at my house which I own (and still paying for) since if I passed away before him, he is affraid my oldest kid would kick him out. He also stated he did not like putting in time and money into something that was not his? He owns land and houses and owes nothing. His kids will inherit this land. We don't live there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009

I feel the need to give my two cents because I am thinking about this very thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Are these issues at all related to the reasons his other two marriages ended? I'd be looking VERY closely at his track record and asking myself what he's doing wrong in these relationships to have two failed marriages under his belt. I can understand one, but most men either learn something after their first divorce, or marry a woman who doesn't know them very well. I would be concerned if I were you. Marriage is very much about trust; if he thought that you were going to kick him out then why would he bother marrying you? And why did he move in?

I can see the other responder's point about making a life together in new surroundings. I guess I don't understand why your kids would lose their inheritance if you sold the house and bought another place? Are your kids still living with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Yes....the kids live with me, however his do not. If I sell my place, his kids would get his inheritance plus half of ours we get ourself. If I don't sell my place, my kids get my place and his kids gets his place. I guess my only option is to have his inherited land and my inherited land have both our names on the deed. This would make us even, you think?
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

I'm posting the link to issue you posted about yesterday as it's important for those who are replying to this issue to be aware of the other issue you're dealing with in order to give you thoughts and advice that are as accurate as possible.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

I would probably tell your new husband that he needs to find an alternative to squash his insecurities, perhaps a good counselor will benefit him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 12:01am

I think the way you are seeing it makes sense.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Tbrimerfrey4, I would be very concerned about this situation. He thinks he should be on your deed but doesn't think you should be on his? Aside from that, why does it matter? Since he already owns property and houses, he certainly wouldn't be without a place to go or without assets, for that matter. It doesn't make sense to me. Unless you tell me something different than what I think I understand, it sounds very one-sided, all about him and frankly, taking advantage of you - whether he is "conspiring" to do it or it's an entitlement issue Your children are small, and I would be most focused on making sure they were taken care of in the event something happened to you. In other words, I would not be looking to sell my home or deed over half the property, especially under the circumstances. I am in my second marriage too and when I remarried, we lived with my children in my established home. My husband had no problems or issues with that. Not only that, but my kids were the sole benefactors of my life insurance policy, my husband was added as who the money went to in the event the kids were also gone. Again, no problems or issues with that.

I have more questions:
* How long have you been married? In your last post you said you'd been together for three years before marrying. It seems that there are a lot of issues for knowing him for three years.
* Are these things you've mentioned in your two posts surprises, things you didn't know about him before?
* Is this a major change from the guy he was before marriage?
* Was your relationship before marriage pretty equal, easy and compatible?
* Here you indicate that he left his wife and came directly to live with you, is that correct? (not asking in order to judge you, just trying to be sure I have a clear picture of the situation.
* How long were you with him before he left his wife?
* What problems did he have in his previous marriages?
* If he's lived with you for the last three years, he's done so without a problem, knowing you own the house?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Tbrimerfrey4, I just realized - the title of your post is " Second marriage and property ownership jealousy". Where does jealousy come in?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 12:17pm

OP:

You need to protect your children first. From your other post, i see that you have two very young children (8 and 10). Now, if you do pass before your DH, he will not have the right to the house,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

When I married my 2nd DH he also had that attitude that he didn't want to put any money of time fixing things into a house he didn't own--the difference was that I still owned the house w/ my 1st DH, so my 2nd DH BOUGHT 1/2 of the house from my 1st DH--he didn't expect me to just GIVE him 1/2 of the house.